Nowadays people are having a hard time building confidence and accepting their own flaws. Why? Because there are some people out there that instead of helping you build your confidence, they will point out your flaws and start making fun of it.
I’ll be honest, as in really really honest on this blog. My confidence is not that high, I don’t know if it’s an average or below average level of being confident. I don’t have the face like an angel, I don’t have the body like a model, I don’t have the talent like any artists has. I’m “overweight” and most people around me seems like to have a problem with that. I’ve been called for so many names, “Pork”, “Wild Boar”, “Whale Shark”, “Puffer Fish” and the likes. When I’m moving and bump or hit someone accidentally they will say “You’re so big that’s why”, when I feel hungry and tell people about that I’ll just hear them saying “What’s new?That’s why you are big because you keep on eating.”, if I’m on diet and suddenly eats half of small chicken without rice or bread or anything they will say “Aren’t you on diet?Why are you eating?”, whenever I’m looking to some clothes and people noticed it they will just say “It won’t look good on you because that is only for slim people”. It hurts, and I’m offended of those harsh comments. For some people, it’s just a joke. It’s their way of motivating you. But does it help? For me, not all the time it works. I’m hurt of what I’ve heard from those people and my personality, the more I get hurt, the more I get stressed the more I eat. Reverse psychology doesn’t help all the time. People will think ‘I will say negative things about you so you’ll get motivated’—– stop! Think before you speak.
My unsolicited advice for those who think pointing out ones flaws help:
- Never ever call us names not intended for us. Our parents gave us name for petesake! (unless it’s an endearment for you to be called out pig or pork or whale shark or fat ass! you can joke at us once or twice but think, is it really funny?or it’s kinda offensive?). This also applies to those who are petite and slim.(Don’t call them stick, bamboo, lizard or the likes)
- Don’t blame our body if we accidentally bump or hit you. Look at the space, is it wide or narrow?
- Everyone has the same feeling, just because we don’t have the same size doesn’t mean we don’t have the right to be hungry, wear swim suit and wear whatever clothes we want so don’t degrade us if we want to do something or eat something.
- Don’t over react if you saw our pimple/s popping out or reddish, it’s normal. You won’t get the bacteria unless you touch it. Everyone can have a pimple.
- Don’t laugh if our make-up is not good and have uneven eyebrows or eyeliners. Instead, teach us how to properly use them, how to properly even those uneven.
- Instead of saying bad things about our appearance, why not say “Hey, I’m going for a jog, wanna come along. It’s fun to have someone jogging with”, “You’re on diet?Great! Let me help you search a meal plan for you, dieting is not about eating less, it’s about eating healthy!”, “This one will look more good on you”, “I’m using this skin care products you can try them if you want, maybe the one you are using doesn’t suit your skin type” or just any positive words that will definitely boost our confidence and motivate us. Support us not demoralise us.
- Think before you speak. Words can kill just so you know. Give us inspiration not depression.
And my unsolicited advice for my fellow low self-esteemed people:
- If you hear something that’s not really good for your ear?Let it just slip through your ears. I know it’s hard but you should also help yourself and try.
- Eat whatever you want to eat as long as it’s for your own good.
- You are not fat, you are just easy to see. You are not slim/petite you are just cute for their size. So don’t sit and cry at the corner.
- Don’t dwell too much on what they are saying. You don’t have to change because of them. Change because you want to improve yourself. Be your own enemy.
- Talk to your family and friends, they will joke on you yes but they always got your back.
- Voice out what you want to answer to them but in a nice and witty way, don’t get provoked. Don’t get into a fight, it’s not worth it. Let them see that your manners are not like theirs.
- Be yourself and be happy. Surround yourself with true, loving and optimistic people. It will be of great help.
- If you want to be accepted. Accept yourself first. Love yourself. Embrace your flaws, help yourself and never ever doubt yourself.
I really don’t know what is the key to be an above average confident, but I’m in the process of having it. Thanks to the people who shows support and genuine care. I’m currently on diet, and hopefully I can share the process I’m doing (if this one doesn’t fail!hahah!) with you.