“Am I not worthy?”
Have you asked yourself this kind of question?If yes, have you found the answer? What made you ask yourself this kind of question? Are you in pain? Are you okay?
I’m always asking myself this kind of question, most especially when I’m scrolling and scanning my timeline. The people who are close to my heart fitfully hurt me, or maybe I’m just so sensitive I tend to overthink and get jealous easily. I don’t know. My birthday has passed by and I hide my birthdate on my profile so no one can know, except for those people who really remember and knows it by heart. I’m getting few messages from my family until my uncle’s wife greeted me by posting it on my timeline then rest who saw it greeted me as well and posted my old pictures with them. There are few who greeted me but I know they are genuine. A month after, it was one of my childhood friend’s birthday, lot’s of people greeted her and I got jealous and sad when I saw some people who I truly love and care for greeted her. Those people didn’t even greeted me the way they greeted her, some didn’t greet me at all! Talk about years (when I say years it means yeeeeaaaaaaarrrrrrs) of friendship. I started doubting my worth to them, I started to distance myself again to them. Shallow isn’t it? Maybe I just expected them to care for me the way I want them to. Same month I had a petty fight with one of my friend because of my T-shirt she misinterpreted my joke and I sarcastically like her post in social media, after that incident I asked my self the same question. I caught my ex-boyfriend cheating on me many times even after being faithful and loyal to him (read Thank You Ex!). Is this only my worth to them? I started to doubt my self. I started to regret things. I started to count the things I’ve done for them.
My heart aches while writing this blog, I feel my heart is being crushed by something I can’t describe. It feels as if it’s going to explode any moment. I’m tired of proving my self to other. I’m tired or proving my worth to others. I’m tired of pretending I’m not hurt when I truly does. I’m just tired.
I’m hurting yes but, I’m thinking of what my friend told me, “Don’t ever doubt your self worth, You’re worth is more than enough, You are worthy.” Yes he is right. I’am worthy. I’m feeling down, feeling tired and emotionally exhausted and it’s normal, but I should also help myself to get out from these emotions I’m feeling now. Keep on thinking that you are worthy. You know your worth. WE know our worth. We just have to breathe and stay positive. It’s okay to let it out once in a while. Looking at the brighter side of the darkest situation you might be and currently facing. And the most important part? Think of your family who loves you unconditionally.
“Your worth is more than what you think of. Don’t think your worth is equivalent to the word JUST, because you are not. You are worthy!”