Hints Of A Suicidal Person

Two years ago, taking my own life came across my mind because of depression from losing my father. I’m a papa’s girl. No one noticed it. Well, I wore the mask perfectly that time that’s why.

But how can you really notice a person who is suicidal? How can you know if a person is really having a hard time while laughing with you and doing normal things like they used to? Below are some of the list, based on my experience, that can help you see or feel if someone is considering to end their lives, especially if you know that person (close or not)

  1. Smiling lips but sad eyes. You can just see it, especially if you are really close to that person. Usually, sad eyes looks like you are having a flu.
  2. Suddenly becomes a quiet person. The person is abnormally calm.
  3. Likes to be alone most of the time.
  4. Always out of energy. Always wants to sleep, because sleep is their escape from the pain they are feeling.
  5. Staring blankly at something. Staring at your face as if the person is memorizing what you look like.
  6. Food or liquor becomes their bestfriend.
  7. Always irritated. Always Impulsive
  8. Most of their posts on their social media accounts are all about loneliness, feeling alone and sarcasm.
  9. Unusual activities from their everyday life.
  10. They will start to just reminisce the good old times and just sigh a lot of times. Talking as if it’s their last.

Those are the things I felt when I’m in that stage. How did I get out from it?

I started to realized that yeah, I lost my dad but then, would he be happy if I follow him sooner? NO. I also realized that I still have my mom and my brother with me. I don’t want to add another pain while their wounds are still open and fresh. It’s a sin to take your own life.

Actually people that are suicidal are always giving hints to see if they are really important and if people really do care and love them. If you think that something is not right with your friends or family well, there’s something is not really right. You wouldn’t think of that if you didn’t notice something from them right?

Some just wanted to take their own life to free themselves from the hardships they are going through, from the heartbreak they are going through. But is it really that easy to leave the people who believe and care for you behind? Is it really worth it to block the opportunity and the chance for you to be happy again? It’s not easy to say things like this, BUT, if you are in this situation or you are thinking of this please…please, ask yourself first. “Will I be happy after I’ve done this?”, “Will there be any difference?”, “What if I still have a chance?” and tell to yourself, “I want to be happy”

ALWAYS talk to your family and friends, or to some random people just to let you vent out. Do not fight the battle alone, it’s okay not to be okay. Cry it out. Remove the heavy thing that’s hurting and bothering you. PRAY. Ask for guidance and peace of mind and heart. Easy to say yes, but suicide should not be an option to get out or to escape. All we need to do is think before we act, realize before we act.

My inbox is always open, you can send me a private message if you want someone to talk to.

I’m here for you.

My First Love Left Me

May 2, 2018…

It was and still the saddest part of my life and most painful thing that happened to me. He waved goodbye instead of hello.

I wasn’t able to see him for 2 years because I’m working abroad, yeah I know, I should have at least go home even once and that’s the biggest mistake I did, regretted it. I imagined him welcoming me with his arms wide open to embrace me, his sweetest smile and laughing chinky eyes instead, I saw him inside his newly closed box bed, eyes are tightly closed and colored lips to hide the paleness of his face. But still the most handsome man I’ve known and loved my entire life!

I learned from him that it’s fine to spend extravagantly on food rather than buying things you will only use for a couple of months, years if you’re lucky (that explains how I become big lol).

When I was a kid, he self taught how to tie my hair, and mind you, pig tails becomes rabbit ears hahaha! There’s this time when I’m sick and having a fever, he will ask me what food do I want to eat, I requested for an instant stir fry noodles he said okay and after a couple of minutes he was walking slowly, carrying one bowl gently. I smiled thinking I will eat what I’m craving for but deym hahah my noodles has water! it’s a noodle soup now and I asked him why does it have water? He just told me that it’s the right way of cooking it so yeah, the manufacturer was wrong hahaha cute, but ofcourse I ate it even if the taste was kinda nasty.

He will just say “You should lose weight” but end up buying bread in the middle of the night for me and my brother, ice cream and street foods. That’s how my father would like me to lose weight hahaha.

Memories keeps on flashing that if I will tell you all the stories, this page won’t be enough. I just love how he loves us. How he put smile to people’s faces, how he throw some corny and cheesy jokes, how kind he was even though he was being taken for granted of some people he love and care, how helpful he was wherein people are taking advantage of it. I love his unconditional love to others most especially to us

After the day he left us, I was thinking to take my own life. Inside the train station I was crying, while walking and while waiting for the pedestrian light to become green. I even think of ways to commit the sin, ‘What if I suddenly jump off of the street while cars are fastly running’, ‘What if I tripped my self to fall down the stairs?’ or ‘What if I just cut my wrist?’. I spent my days, weeks and months thinking bout it. Until I dreamed of him, he sat beside me, just looking at me then caress my cheeks, I held his hand and cried, I can feel his love for me and I woke up. I regretted thinking of taking my life, I realize I still have my mom and brother and that my dad won’t be happy if I’ll do it.

I’m still depressed but, the love from my family is what keeps me going.

My first love, my dad left me..left us but we will surely be together again someday, and I know he is just around the corner, happily looking after us.

How about you? How’s your first love doing?