You Deserve It!

Life consists of ups and downs, it won’t give you a pure bliss..it won’t give you just laughter..and it won’t definitely give you a straight path to walk to.

When I first entered the outside world (career world) I thought it will be easy, I thought I will be on the top—-no.

I joined an airline company and oh boy! it was really really a tough job. Talking to an irate passenger, talking to a non-English speaking passenger, profiling the passenger if they can travel (infants, sick person, pregnant woman). Always be cautious not to fret the passengers when there’s a prison inmate that will board the plane with them. Explain to passengers why flights are delayed and cancelled all over again right after announcing it and so on. But mind you, working in an airline company doesn’t give you the privilege to earn a lot of money (idk with other airline tho) except for the cabin crews and captains ofcourse (ground crew here! lol). But it does give you the privilege to be commended by the passengers you helped with and by the management who appreciate your hardwork in the field. The privilege to feel contented and happy seeing your passengers smiling and appreciating you. I love my job even if I had a few hours of sleep and most of the time staying at the airport to work even in my days off but I have to step down, take it slow and consider what my family requested. So I resigned and joined the local municipality of our town, still in line with Tourism which I studied in college.

After a year, I decided to go abroad and apply for work (which I partly regretted it– you can take a look on my first blog “My first love left me” ). On my 2nd week, I found a job but the owner keeps on hitting on me and harassing me by trying to touch my private parts so I left the job. I didn’t file a complain to the police ‘coz I don’t have a working visa that time so I tried looking for another job but got unlucky until 2 months later someone hired me, it’s a restaurant and it’s my first time to work in F&B and with that, I really work so hard until the HR who also happens to be my fellow country men told me that they cannot process my visa yet but they will provide whatever I need (another tourist visa). My initial plan was to take the salary I worked for a month and half then resign but again I got unlucky, my visa has expired, so I need to exit and buy another visa. They told me they will give my salary when I came back which never happened. I gave them 2 weeks to give me my salary and reimburse my visa expenses but I didn’t receive anything so I just left the restaurant and felt really down and stupid at that moment, I’m so broke in a city where my family is far from me. I have relatives who helped me but ofcourse I cannot ask their full support since they have their own family to support as well. But heaven is still good to me after I left, the restaurant closed because there’s only few diner left and the government issued them letter to close because of hygiene issues.

After 3 months, I got hired again and I’m lucky because they gave me working visa or so I thought. People are good there, my director is good but how he ran the company is not that great. People started taking advantage of him until our salaries got delayed, almost 2 months. My increment which they promised never took place, I wasn’t able to save that much and after working with him for 2 years, I didn’t renew my visa.

Then unexpected things happened, the year after quitting my job was the worst year of my life (see again “My First Love Left Me” ) I was hired by this laboratory, after my interview I got a call and offer the same day. I started working with them, everything seems to be okay they waited for me when I have to go home for my father’s funeral. Going back, I got offloaded 2 times (immigration was so hard on me huhubels) on my 3rd time, they finally stamped my passport. So I got back and started working but things started to be kinda off, but I just shrugged it off and not bother. But that was a mistake, salaries are always delayed and on installment basis, I signed for a secretarial post but later on became the Receptionist, Accountant (which I don’t have any background nor studied and work experience), HR and Collection Officer plus I have to call and set an appointment for my manager and doctors while doing all those tasks. I have 2 phones in front of me, only 1 computer and I still have to take care of the technicians who cannot work properly without my guidance to think I don’t know how to do what they are doing! (I’m getting hyped up just remembering it). I asked them if they can hire even one person who can help me because before I joined this lab there’s 4 people who are doing it. But they just told me learn to manage my time, yeah right! I’m calling for a collection while doing invoices while following up the cases to be delivered from the technicians while following up to the drivers the pick up request from clinics while answering the calls from the clinics and suppliers and while calling for applicants who are applying for technician, oh and not to mention going out to buy office supplies and picking up the boss’ son from school! My working hours is from 8:30am to 7:00pm sometimes until 10:00pm without overtime pay and I still have to work while eating my lunch. (ranting too much?haha sorry about that). I’m the one to be blamed if the case haven’t arrive to the doctors outside the country yet even if I’m following it up to the customs, I’m the one to be blamed if there’s no tissue and alcohol, and also when the bidet inside the washroom is not working, could you believe that?! Then I have had enough! I resigned, not because of the workload but because of the delayed salary and the management ( I know it’s not reasonable but what can I do? I need to support my mom who is having a therapy, my brother still doesn’t have a job that time, my father just died, I need to pay their bills and my bills here abroad, my house rent, my food and theirs, my fare everyday to go to work). Imagine not having a single penny during Christmas and New Year because they hold your salary while other employees already got theirs. I filed a complain in labour and luckily I’ve won.

I got so depressed of what’s happening to my life that time. Thinking that I should have died instead of my father, I’m not a better person, I’m not a good daughter and sister, I’m at this age and yet I’m still broke I still didn’t accomplish anything from what I planned and dreamed of. Thinking what have I done to go through all of this. It’s like I’m laughing but crying inside, I’m breathing but dead inside.

I was so so near in giving up until I received an email. One company invited me for a job interview and so I gave it a try. I got hired after 2 weeks of being a bum! I told to myself ‘if this won’t work out I’ll just go home’.

Everyone is telling me that my Director is a good man, indeed he is really a good and wonderful man and his family. My brother had to go to the hospital and so I asked if I can have a salary advance, without saying anything he opened his wallet and gave me the amount I was asking for. We have a big event to organize and since we finished setting it up early, he invited me over to their place, I told him I will just stay there but he doesn’t want me to be left alone. His exact words are, “I will not leave you alone here, I will not let you eat by yourself. Let’s go to my place, my wife cooked food. Let’s eat, take a rest and then come back.” So we go to his place, I played with his sooo cutie patootie son and ate the food which her wife cooked (it was so delicious that I decided to break my diet that time haha). My director knows how to run his company well. He is not micro managing us and he is giving our salary on time, so on time that I will get it sometimes on 23rd of the month! My colleagues are nice as well. I’m only a month old that time in my company yet he allowed me to take 2 weeks leave and go home to commemorate my father’s first death anniversary. This blog won’t be enough to tell how a great man he is and how grateful and blessed I’am to have him as my boss and to work in this company. I just hope the business will further boom and will be a conglomerate because he is the type of person who deserve it and will still be stepping on the ground, helping those who are in need.

It took me years to find the right person to work with and the job worth working for, not that my previous jobs were not worth it but compared to my current one I’ll say it really is worth all the hardships I faced before. After experiencing everything I’ve been and gone through, I can finally feel that I’m a deserving person. I deserve what I have and will have in the future.

People who are suffering from pain, feeling of being neglected, sadness and hardships tend to think they are weak and useless because they are in that kind of situation. WE are in that kind of situation. But NO! Those who are feeling those kind of things and in that situation are the strongest ones. Everything happens for a reason, so if you are in such situation right now. Don’t worry, your patience, determination and hard work will be paid off. Happiness will come into your way just like what happened to me. So stand up and use your experience to become the person you want to be. You’ll soon find it because You Deserve It! and who knows maybe it will happen to you right this moment.

My First Love Left Me

May 2, 2018…

It was and still the saddest part of my life and most painful thing that happened to me. He waved goodbye instead of hello.

I wasn’t able to see him for 2 years because I’m working abroad, yeah I know, I should have at least go home even once and that’s the biggest mistake I did, regretted it. I imagined him welcoming me with his arms wide open to embrace me, his sweetest smile and laughing chinky eyes instead, I saw him inside his newly closed box bed, eyes are tightly closed and colored lips to hide the paleness of his face. But still the most handsome man I’ve known and loved my entire life!

I learned from him that it’s fine to spend extravagantly on food rather than buying things you will only use for a couple of months, years if you’re lucky (that explains how I become big lol).

When I was a kid, he self taught how to tie my hair, and mind you, pig tails becomes rabbit ears hahaha! There’s this time when I’m sick and having a fever, he will ask me what food do I want to eat, I requested for an instant stir fry noodles he said okay and after a couple of minutes he was walking slowly, carrying one bowl gently. I smiled thinking I will eat what I’m craving for but deym hahah my noodles has water! it’s a noodle soup now and I asked him why does it have water? He just told me that it’s the right way of cooking it so yeah, the manufacturer was wrong hahaha cute, but ofcourse I ate it even if the taste was kinda nasty.

He will just say “You should lose weight” but end up buying bread in the middle of the night for me and my brother, ice cream and street foods. That’s how my father would like me to lose weight hahaha.

Memories keeps on flashing that if I will tell you all the stories, this page won’t be enough. I just love how he loves us. How he put smile to people’s faces, how he throw some corny and cheesy jokes, how kind he was even though he was being taken for granted of some people he love and care, how helpful he was wherein people are taking advantage of it. I love his unconditional love to others most especially to us

After the day he left us, I was thinking to take my own life. Inside the train station I was crying, while walking and while waiting for the pedestrian light to become green. I even think of ways to commit the sin, ‘What if I suddenly jump off of the street while cars are fastly running’, ‘What if I tripped my self to fall down the stairs?’ or ‘What if I just cut my wrist?’. I spent my days, weeks and months thinking bout it. Until I dreamed of him, he sat beside me, just looking at me then caress my cheeks, I held his hand and cried, I can feel his love for me and I woke up. I regretted thinking of taking my life, I realize I still have my mom and brother and that my dad won’t be happy if I’ll do it.

I’m still depressed but, the love from my family is what keeps me going.

My first love, my dad left me..left us but we will surely be together again someday, and I know he is just around the corner, happily looking after us.

How about you? How’s your first love doing?