Loving A Heartbreak

Having a broken heart is the worst feeling you can ever experience. You will feel tightness, heaviness and actual pain in your chest and stomach. As if someone tries to burn your heart. As if someone is pounding at your heart. May it be heartbreak from breaking up with your partner, feeling alone and lost, losing your friends and family members and the likes.

But I believe in loving a heartbreak, weird isn’t it? Why would people need to love it when they want to get over it? But that is the logic of it, you have to love it so you can get over it (unless you really don’t want to get over it and just ruin your self for someone who cannot stop damaging you).

How to do it? Below is my opinion on how to:

  1. Acceptance – you have to wake up and face the reality, accepting that your time with someone has already ended. I know that it’s hard to accept the fact that someone broke your heart, it’s hard to accept that what you had with someone is not special anymore, it’s hard to accept that you lost someone forever, but know what’s harder? To be trapped inside the world you created just to please someone who just doesn’t care. To be waiting for someone who doesn’t have any plans on returning. Feel the pain, it will help you to open your eyes and there, you will start to accept everything.
  2. Forgiveness – forgiving someone who isn’t sorry is the bravest thing you can do. It’s a hard step to do, but very lightest way to move on. Forgive yourself as well, just because the person broke your heart that doesn’t mean you haven’t done anything wrong. Assess yourself and forgive yourself. Forgive yourself but never doubt yourself, you are more than enough. Forgive yourself for being in that situation. Just like the old saying says “Forgive and forget”. Forgiving someone is not easy, it needs a right time. Don’t hurry things up, time will come and automatically you will give that to the person and to your self.
  3. Don’t regret – don’t regret or think you have wasted your time hanging out with someone who ended up breaking your heart. You enjoyed those times together, you smiled, you laughed and you loved every bits of that moment so why regret things? Instead of wasting your time and energy regretting about it, start to think about what you have learned and how it molded you to be a strong person than before. Always opt for number 1 and it will be easier.
  4. Let go – let it all go and move on. Easier said than done, but you have to let go. Don’t hold grudges to someone because you will end up hurting yourself. It’s fine to be mad at them because you have a reason and it’s normal but you have to let go. Don’t hold on and cling to someone who wants to walk away, let them go. Learn to value yourself.

It’s okay to be sad, it’s okay to be mad, it’s okay to be heartbroken but loving all of it will give you peace of mind and heart, and a realization in life.

Always remember, it’s okay not to be okay, it’s normal to feel pain.

Loving a heartbreak will teach you that everything takes time and effort. Loving a heartbreak will make you stronger. Loving a heartbreak will open a new door for you, a new path to walk with to a better future and better you.

What It Feels Like To Be Exposed To Covid-19

The world is in emergency health situation due to the pandemic we are all experiencing right now — Corona Virus.

A lot of people tested positive since late 2019, some are fortunate to survive but others didn’t make it. Sadly, there’s still people out there who don’t take this situation seriously. But what does it really feel to be exposed to a covid positive person? Will you automatically be infected as well?

Last September, I slept beside my friend and roommate for two nights. We shared food as well, eating quesadilla in one plate. On the third night, I decided to sleep on my own bed so that she will be able to sleep comfortably because she’s having fever and not feeling well . The weather is changing and both of us are thinking it is only a seasonal flu and because she just got her period. The next morning, I woke up and heard her talking with someone over the phone and setting up a doctor’s appointment. I started to feel sick as well. She went to the doctor and told me she did the swab test for covid as per the doctor’s advice.

The next day, I feel like I’m going to have a fever as I’m starting to shiver or maybe I’m just feeling cold because of the ac, I am not sure. My roommate prepared a milk with turmeric and honey for me when I told her I’m not feeling well (her fever went down). After drinking it, I went to the kitchen to wash my glass and when I got back inside our room, she immediately told me that her result came out and it’s positive. I was so shocked I cannot move and just stood there at the door.

She was agitated and annoyed as to why she is positive, how and where did she get it. I got so scared for the both of us, I feel pity on her because she is really in a tight situation already and now this!

The Department of Health advised her to just stay at home and isolate her self, I thought they are going to get and put her in isolation facilities for patients. Again, my stress doubled, no —- tripled! That night I slept in the same room with her, used the same washroom as her. I was still giving the benefit of the doubt that maybe, they will get her out from our room.

The next morning, I went to the hospital for the consultation and swab testing. The doctor said I don’t have corona but instead, I’m having tonsillitis. I still insisted to get tested and told her that I’m exposed to my roommate who is still inside our room.

After the swab test, I booked a hotel room as I don’t want to be exposed longer from her. Wrong move to be honest, because if my result is positive, man I will be in trouble. The hotel might shut down again, do disinfection and for sure I will pay a lot! I was in the hotel already when my she told me she is going to the isolation facilities, thank goodness for that but I still cannot relax. I easily get sick as my immune system is low. I’m stressed out already and I can feel my anxiety is getting high. I’m a worst thinker, I’m thinking maybe I’m positive already and there’s these questions lingering in my head.

“Will I die?”, “What will happen to my mom and brother?”, “Will I ever see them again?” and “Will I survive?”

Over reacting as it may seem, but I was really scared. I mean, the virus is not a joke. Who would have thought that my roommate will get a Covid-19?She works out everyday, eating healthy foods and taking vitamins, always using sanitizer, alcohol and hand wash. Mask on whenever she’s going outside. You will really never know.

Hours has passed by and I’m so anxious, I kept on eating and cannot sleep. 12:16 am. I got a message from Department of Health. As I read it, my heart exploded and I jumped in the bed. I’m negative and I teared up. Nowadays, negative is the new positive. So grateful for this.

Test result.. Thank God!

It was a roller coaster emotions. It was an experience I never want to happen again. But I’m more paranoid now than before because of this. Good thing is now, my roommate’s healed and slowly picking up the things that has been dropped.

Always be aware, always be careful, always take care of yourself, mentally, emotionally and physically. Make it a habit to eat healthy and have a healthy lifestyle. Take care of yourself. Don’t take this situation or this pandemic lightly. Other countries and regions are on their second lockdown now, and hopefully everything will be fine soonest possible.

Stay safe, stay healthy everyone!

I Appreciate You, Yes You!

I’ve been active in blogging for almost a year now, and it’s really amazing!

My very first blog was last 2015, when I came back here in UAE for a job. If you haven’t read “Where It All Begins” then you might get confused if you’ve read “Life As An Overseas Worker” first. But what’s more confusing is this statement hahaha! Anyway, I deleted my first blog because I’m not confident enough and doubting myself if what I’m doing is right and okay.

Fast forward to 2019, I started blogging, still not confident but I don’t doubt on myself anymore. I cannot please everyone, I cannot blog based on what people really expected in a blog but I’m trying. I blog because I want to motivate people, I want to share my experiences and maybe give some light to some people who are experiencing and experienced what I’ve been thru. I might blog something that’s too personal to blog or might post a topic that is really unattractive for some people. My vocabulary is limited.

But I really love blogging, I love conveying my feelings through blogs.

Especially the blogging and writing community. I’m really grateful and thankful for the community. I’ve talked and established a relationship with other bloggers from different countries. I haven’t personally meet anyone from the community yet, but I really care for those people. OMG why am I in tears? hahaha I’m just grateful for having friends like you guys, for treating me nice and for spending time to talk to me. The connection and not being easily judged. I’m overwhelmed from the support I’ve been receiving, from the friendship you are giving, from the trust and most especially for accepting me not just as Yourstrulie but as Liezl. You guys are the best! I cannot express in words how thankful I’am to be a part of this community. I love you guys and from the bottom of my heart:

Salamat


Gracias

Arigatogozaimasu

Kamsahamnida

Shukraan Gazilaan

Dhanyavaad

Grazie

Thank You!

Those are the languages I know in saying Thank you, I don’t want to google it and the list might be long enough we will take a couple of more hours just to read it hahaha!

I really do appreciate you guys.I will always have your back! I will always be here to support you. I will always walk the journey with you.

Yourstrulie now signing off…

Joooooooooke!! Will never happen ofcourse, loving the community and there’s no reason to sign off yet. 🙂

Have a blessed day guys and stay safe!

Life As An Overseas Worker

Are you currently working or still studying and considering of working somewhere, may it be in your own country or abroad? Still uncertain?

I’m currently working abroad for 5 ages now, in 4 different companies. Yep! that’s a lot of companies considering its only 5 years. I have mentioned it in “You Deserve It!” as to why I have to keep on shifting jobs. Regrets? Other than not seeing my dad for 2 years before he passed away, I have nothing to regret. Is it hard? Yes, it is really difficult! Especially now that the globe is experiencing war with COVID19, the feeling of yearning to be with your family just to guarantee their safety and to support them emotionally and physically. It’s hard to be apart from your family, I missed a lot of; birthdays, festivals, weddings, family gatherings, Christmas’, new years and so forth. It’s hard not to see them, hold them, kiss them, cry with them and laugh with them. How about video calling them? Yes it is the most accessible way to see them but, I’m working here in the Middle East, and in this country, a video call isn’t that easy to use. Messenger call, Whatsapp call, and Skype are all blocked, I have to try several apps and VPNs until I stumbled upon zoom, but my mom is not a techie, so even if it’s easy to use, it’s kinda difficult for her.

Some people here are really nice and kind, especially the locals, it’s their country yet other expats like me think they own the place by the way they act. I’m of Asian descent and I have been verbally discriminated and racially profiled. At first, it was really hurtful, but as time passes by, I just don’t let it get into my nerves, it’s not worthy of time. Even how hard you explain yourself to them, they will not listen. I actually pity those kinds of people, why? Because they are insecure, cannot move on and humiliating themselves to society. Hopefully one day, there will be no people who will judge you by the shade of your skin and by your ethnicity, let’s also include people who have disabilities.

Do I earn a lot? Hhhhmmm compared to what I’m making when I was still working in my country, yes. Because the exchange rate is high, so my wage is high as well– at least if it’s converted to peso. I’m living and renting a room in a villa with 2 people. Lucky me, the rent is not expensive and it’s near to my office. But most people are going for a bedspace as it is really affordable. Bedspace is renting either, the upper or the lower bed of the double-deck in a room with other 6 people. There’s also called partition, wherein you will rent a small space inside a room, having your privacy compared to bed spacer as landlords built a thin wooden wall to separate you from other tenants. If you are fortunate enough to have a high salary, then you can rent a flat.

Perks of working overseas? Excellent salary package, great insurance if you are in a good company, you get to travel oftentimes as it is more affordable and accessible, extensive connection- new friends and families, got the chance to engage with different nationalities and learn their cultures, let’s say it will develop your communication skills since English is the universal language and you don’t have any option but to use it to interact, a yearly plane ticket for my annual leave, big servings of food (in my country foods are expensive plus the servings are too small), and molding you to be a great independent person. If you are in western countries, then the chance of acquiring citizenship is plausible.

Life as an overseas worker is not as easy as it appears to be. Some people believe that working abroad makes us wealthy and it’s sad because some friends or relatives will ask you favor, and if you can’t give them what they asked for, you are a selfish person in their eyes and will compare you to other overseas workers. People have different types of work and a sense of responsibility which they don’t seem to understand. You need to adjust to their cultures, rules and abide their law. I have to be away from my family so I can support them and provide what they need. Give them what I want them to have. I have to work harder so I can reward myself for doing a great job. There are days I have to eat merely this type and kind of food so I can save more. Of course, there are also days that I will eat and pig out and go to an expensive beanery. I’m quite fortunate compared to other overseas workers who barely eat and sleep properly just to earn more and send money to their families. Am I happy? So-so, pleased that I can provide what my family needs and wants, I can somehow buy what I want. And just what I’ve been telling the whole time, sad and hard because I’m away from my family. Sacrificing is what overseas workers do all the time. Homesickness is a powerful enemy of us. The word says it all. Courage is our shield and Family is what motivates us.

Self Care In The Pursuit Of The Glowing You

What comes to your mind whenever you hear the word ‘Self Care’?

For me? Well, it’s about taking care of yourself not only physically but mentally, emotionally and spiritually. You need to take care of yourself from within so you can happily glow physically.

Physical Self-Care

  1. Eat healthily and properly. You should be eating lots of fruits and vegetables, they have the proper nutrients that our body needs. I wouldn’t recommend eating chips and the likes but, you can also have those in moderation. Drink lots of water, it will make you fight cravings and hunger and will make your skin glow as it will hydrate you. Don’t deprive your self when it comes to food, especially when you are on a diet. Eat and be healthy.
  2. Exercise at least an hour a day. You don’t have to go to the gym so you can work out, you can simply do jogging or brisk walking around your house, at the park or you can watch workout videos and do it inside your home. Stretch your muscles every day.
  3. Take a bath. This is so basic and, I know all of us are doing it. I, myself is taking a bath every day. Twice a day, too much right? Well, I’m taking a bath every morning before going to work, then wash my body before sleeping to remove dirt from being outside all day. You can also use dry shampoo if you don’t want to wet your hair every day.
  4. Skin Care. Use sunblock lotion or facial cream to protect your skin from sunlight. Use lotion to moisturizes your skin. Use a facial mask twice a week or thrice a week to maintain your skin’s glow. Always remove your make-up before going to bed to avoid having pimples and dry skin. Do not prick your pimple, it might get infected and will leave marks on your face. Use once in a while a body scrub so you can remove dead skin from your body.
  5. Pamper Yourself. Go to spa or salon and make your hair and nails done, or avail their massage services.
  6. Sleep. Make sure to have enough and proper sleep. It’s a very powerful process to make you look fresh and lively every day. Also to avoid having an eyebags.

Emotional Self-Care

  1. Stop Pitying Yourself. Easy to say but it will help you a lot. Pitying yourself will not do any good for you. Instead of doing it, try lifting yourself, say things like ‘It’s fine, I can still do it’ or ‘Oh well, it’s just not for me/ not my time yet’.
  2. Avoid Toxic People. Avoid them, toxic people will just stay in your life just so they can use you as their emotional punching bag and stress reliever. Or use you if they need something from you. Stop. Don’t let them do that to you. It’s fine to help and listen to their issues but, if it’s repetitive and causing you to stress then stop. Tell them upfront that what you are hearing is a cycle and, it’s not helping the both of you.
  3. Don’t Let Your Emotions Eat You. Think of happy memories, it’s okay to feel down and sad but, make sure to end your day with a peaceful you. Always getting upset and grumpy? Go find help from Physical Self Care.
  4. Be Happy. Always choose to be happy and strong. Always choose to smile. Remember, there’s always a rainbow after a rain. So choose the right thing for you.
  5. Guard Your Heart. Always take pre-caution in making someone close to you. Just because the person shows you kindness means that they like you. Kindness, is a natural act, don’t over-read people’s actions. Read between the lines. Don’t be a stone but, put a shield to protect it.
  6. Talk To People. People who are optimistic and are always happy. People who will help you to lift yourself and motivate you to do good for others especially, for your self. Talking to those kinds of people will inspire you but always apply number 5 though.

Mental Self-Care

  1. Read. Always take time to read may it be books, magazines, and comics. You need to enhance your skills and add vocabulary to your list. Or simply read for you to forget your worries in the meantime. You can also do some research, not only you will be occupied but you can gain another knowledge you can use in your daily life.
  2. Listen To Music. It helps you calm your nerves and free some space in your mind. It will make you feel relaxed even if you are doing house chores or anything else while listening to music.
  3. Don’t Over Think. It will give you a headache and sleepless nights. It’s normal to think that hard especially, when it comes to your problem but you cannot solve it by overthinking. Go to Emotional Self Care. You will eventually solve whatever you are thinking and facing. Clear your mind and start thinking of how to overcome it, not why you are facing it.

Spiritual Self-Care

  1. Pray. Talk to him, no matter where you are and no matter what time is it. He will listen to you. You might not get the answers to your questions for now but definitely He heard you and have plans for you. You might receive other things than what you prayed for but trust Him. Submit everything to Him and He will give what is best for you.

Those are my self-care tips and advice (unsolicited again hahaha), it would be great if you could give me lists to add on mine.

Take care of yourself, friend! xoxo

photo: https://www.instagram.com/johnemeraldlirasan17/

Spotlighted! An Unexpected Interview Worth Treasuring For…

After a short hiatus regarding blog posts (“Untitled 2019” isn’t really a blog post, I don’t think so!), I’m back!

How would you guys feel if someone were to approach you and ask you to do an interview with them, which would then be posted on their website or written about on their blog site? Exciting isn’t it?!

I was mentioned in one of the Ovasinax team’s tweets, last October (in 2019); they expressed an interest in featuring me on their website, and so, I sent them a direct message to inquire about that tweet. They replied sooner than expected, explained to me about the interview invitation, and told me the reason why they were interested in interviewing me. It was a thrilling moment for me, and I was so touched by their words regarding my blog posts. I was out of words and was feeling strong emotions because someone had acknowledged my blog posts in a positive way. My blog posts define me as a person… that’s why when someone shows an interest in them, it makes me feel like I’m an important and special person, contented and simply overjoyed.

When I received the questions from the Ovasinax team regarding my interview, I was excited to answer them all… the questions didn’t only focus on my blogging, but also on my overall life/existence in this world. Many of their questions were so nostalgia-inducing… they brought me back to old times and memories that I had of times when I was trying my best to become a better version of myself (I’m still in the process of doing that, by the way!). There were also “rapid-fire” questions that made me feel hyped up while answering them… I imagined answering them in person (face-to-face) while having fun but being pressured by time (and thinking that I needed to talk very fast… haha!). Please take a peek at the SPOTLIGHT tab on the official Ovasinax website, and you will get to know more about me there – regarding both my blogging life and my everyday life.

Later, my interview Q&A was posted on the official Ovasinax website and it went live! I still can’t stop reading through that page… I read it while smiling to myself. I just can’t believe that I’m featured on someone else’s website, not to mention having my own special section on it! I was initially kinda shy about mentioning this interview to my friends and family, but on second thoughts – why wouldn’t I?! So, I told them about it and shared the link on my Social Media accounts, and I’m both proud and thankful for the feature. It’s still surreal that someone did this for me… for “Yourstrulie”! We (the Ovasinax team and I) didn’t know each other to begin with… total strangers who are thousand miles apart… yet, my blog posts and my feelings reached them.

Curious about Ovasinax? It is a game that was created/designed based on memories of the creators’ youthful times, especially focusing on thoughts of young adult pool-parties… Ovasinax is a tandem sprint race that features a man running or walking as fast as he can in a swimming pool while a woman stands and sits on his shoulders (this is during competition with two other male-female pairs), and this game also serves to promote – competition, fitness motivation, and expressions of bright personalities (when possible).

The Ovasinax game and website were designed by Jerome and Lucy who, by the way, have been happily married for 12 years now, are in their 40s, and are still kicking the sports that they both love; they are Canadians of Asian origin (Sri Lankan and Filipino heritage, respectively). Jerome and Lucy both work in the medical field… we all know how tight the schedules of people who work in this field can be, but these two still manage to enjoy traveling; they also appreciate cold weather – which is just perfect for a cuddle – and are very fond of animals, especially cats. Their hobbies include reading and writing, which explains why they pay attention to blogs and blog posts.

The Ovasinax team is constantly promoting and supporting me, which is a very big help in terms of expanding my network and helping my blog posts to become known by people around the globe; they also don’t ask for anything from me in return. Still, I decided to do an interview, and this time, it will be with them in the spotlight. They actually didn’t want to do it, but I insisted and told them that it’s my way of showing my gratitude to them. So, without further ado….

Question: How did you come across my blog posts?
Answer: We came across your blog site and your blog posts after we came across your tweets and your whole Twitter account; since you are clearly very engaging and popular on Twitter, we then checked out your blog posts and were very impressed by your openness, sweetness, purpose, and heart (all of which you display whenever you write/compose).

Question: When did you make the decision to feature me on the official Ovasinax website? Why?
Answer: We decided to ask you if you would like to be interviewed by us (and be featured on a special page on the official Ovasinax website), very soon after we read your magnetic blog posts.
The reasons for wanting to feature you on the official Ovasinax website were – you seemed to have a great personality, you are certainly an up-and-coming blogger, you (we felt sure) would be honest & detailed in your interview answers, and you are very beautiful.

Question: Out of all of my blog posts, which most caught your attention or interest? Why?
Answer: All of your blog posts are interesting, and the two that captivated us the most were – “The Warmth Of Armenia” and “Love, Future You!”.
The reasons for those two posts being especially interesting were – the first one was a great travel-based post with gorgeous pictures and nice anecdotes, while the second one had important and inspiring pieces of general life advice.

Question: How and where did Ovasinax get started?
Answer: Ovasinax got started in our minds, based on thoughts of younger “party” days… the concept was expanded upon (and the rules & regulations were created) by us in Canada, although since Canada is a relatively cold country, Ovasinax has unsurprisingly gained most interest in warmer parts of the world (like Australia).

Question: What is your main goal regarding Ovasinax and how do you think it will help people who play it?
Answer: Our main goal regarding Ovasinax is for it to keep on growing and gaining popularity in more parts of the world (hopefully, it can eventually get onto TV screens worldwide, too!). Ovasinax is a great way for couples to train together, bond with each other, motivate/challenge each other, and stay fit together… plus – it is romantic!

Question: How do you describe the best feeling you have had, regarding Ovasinax?
Answer: The best feeling that we have had (re: Ovasinax), so far is – pride while seeing more and more people in different countries becoming interested in this game and trying to play it, write about it, film videos about it, and tell other people about it.

The Ovasinax team consists of such good-hearted people; their pieces of advice and their suggestions motivate me to do better. From strangers to friends! From “someone” to mentors! Glad that they came across my blog posts, and glad to have them in every chapter of Yourstrulie’s journey!

You can check them out in:

Why I Survived The Problems and Challenges of Life

Hardships are part of our lives, whether we like it or not. It might make you strong or might make you want to give up. It depends on how we take those hardships and how we deal with it. I myself encountered so many hardships and still experiencing them. There are times where I really just want to give up but the list below are the thing’s I’ve done to endure everything for the sake of my family and especially for the sake of myself.

  1. Think Twice Before You Act, Before You Speak. Learn how to weigh the situation before you take an action. Always think of the consequences, will it be good for you or will it further damage you? Thinking before opening your mouth wouldn’t hurt, instead it will teach you to be witty and patient.
  2. Shrugged It Off. When you are about to give up the last straw that you are holding after all the things you’ve been through, well stop right there! You’ve endured a lot already why give up now? You suffered already why not continue it?I mean, you should fight on your suffering or just shrugged it off and tell to yourself “One more time buddy, let’s show who really the boss is!” In my language “Todo na ‘to!”, meaning push yourself further.
  3. Stick To Your Goals. Just because you are not achieving your goals yet you will create a new set of goals. No. Believe me it will only hurt you. Stick to your goals, even if there’s so many trials and the roads are rough, if you set your mind on achieving it you will achieve it. And once you achieved your set of goals, you can make another one if you want.
  4. One At A Time. Multi-tasking is good, it will help you finish on time and train you to work with minimal supervision with accurate outcome. BUT don’t multi-task on handling your problems and dealing with the hardships you are currently going through. Solving life problems is similar to solving math problems. You need to solve the first one before you move to the next one until you finish it all. Solving problems all at the same time will give you sleepless nights and endless headaches. Solve one problem but do not forget the others. Be cautious and always let yourself breathe.
  5. Don’t Pity Yourself. Stop making yourself more depressed and stressed, what you are going through are enough, don’t add and stir drama. Pitying yourself will only make the situation worst, you won’t be able to move forward and it will be too late to go back. So self pity will just leave you hanging in the air, lost and demotivated. Stand strong and don’t let yourself down, Always think you are still fortunate compared to other people who are suffering worst than you are but still managing to fight the battle and never loses hope.
  6. Love Of Families And Friends. Never be embarrassed of what is happening to you, don’t keep it by yourself. Talk to your families and friends, even if they can’t help you financially, they can help you emotionally. Money cannot buy the sincerity and care by the people who truly love you. Sure money is important but their love, support, effort, understanding and words can keep you calm and stay strong and motivated. A hug from them is more than enough to fight.
  7. Believe In Yourself. Just what like Sailor Venus says “Just believe in yourself and nobody can’t beat you!”, Your self is your own enemy. So just keep on moving forward and help yourself go through those hardships. Even if no one believes in you, you need to believe in your self and prove them wrong. Believing what you are capable of is the best way to achieve your goals and endure any hardships that will come to you.
  8. Talk To Him. Submit everything to HIM. HE knows what your heart truly desires. No matter where you are and what you are doing, you can always talk to HIM and ask for peace of mind, heart and guidance.

I talked about giving up is sometimes a good thing in my previous post, but that situation is different, so in life and in this post I will say that you should not give up. Problems and hardships are included in our life already from the very first day when we were born. You just have to play the game well and not be eaten by negative aura and demons. Always look at the brighter side. And remember, after battling with those hardships, good things will start to come.

There’s a rainbow always after the rain. Always keep that in mind and in your heart.

I’m Not Okay But It’s Okay

I was walking yesterday to clear up my mind, thinking whether what I’m doing is right or wrong. I have lots of issues I’m struggling to fight with right now. I always seem to complain in everything. Like EVERYTHING! I’m too sensitive and always end up being emotionally stressed out and dramatic. I tend to be grumpy most of the time nowadays. Even in text messages, a person can clearly know that I’m irritated or not in a good mood.

Then I decided to do these things to get out of the spot I created:

  1. I decided to go for a walk so I won’t allow my self to further hit the red button (becoming depressed).
  2. Indulge myself by buying me a booba and a piece of cake. (Cheat day it is!)
  3. Enjoy the breeze of the cold and gentle wind that touches my skin.
  4. Gaze up and appreciate the beauty of the sky.
  5. Oh and did I mentioned walk with your friend?Yes! Big help to have someone accompany you. Having someone beside you helps a lot. Most especially if your friend talks non-stop. Like you are having your own issues yet you are listening to other people’s issues.

Those are just simple and basics but surely you will automatically feel at peace, relaxed and start to become positive again. It helped me cleared up my mind and thought that maybe I’m like that because I was inside the house most of the time.

I realized we are just like the sky above us. Life is not all about joy and laughter it’s not always morning. Gloomy days, evening time will come and it’s okay, we are not perfect, we are humans who have emotions and feelings but always remember that it’s your choice whether to stay on that spot or not. It will not even cost you that much if you want to fight that issues and throw it in a bin. You don’t need a fancy tour, all you need is a courage to step out, appreciate life and continue building the better version of you.

The Warmth of Armenia

Having fun is the best medicine to relieve stress and there are so many things how to do it— traveling is on the top of the list (I assume, how about you?)

I went to Armenia and stayed there for 5 days and I was still lucky to at least experience their winter which later on resulted to almost losing my voice for a month (My voice was so raspy one employee of the hostel I was staying at thought I was a man inside the girl’s washroom hahaha!). It is a budget-friendly country for tourists.

Armenia is the home of Mt. Ararat, where Noah’s Ark believed to be resting inside. Yerevan as the capital city and is the largest city of the country not to mention it is among the oldest continuously inhabited cities in the world. World’s first Christian country.

It took us 30 minutes to travel from the airport to the city proper which our hostel was located, I stayed in Vagary Hostel which is very cheap and a nice place to stay. The owner was so accommodating and they are a wonderful person even their son. Every day the owner will visit us and check if we are enjoying our stay. Bringing vodka that is waaaaaay too strong but tasty. They even arrange the tour for us and waited for us to get back to the hostel.

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after buying the ice cream at Yerevan Square

We first visit Yerevan Square, taking pictures and appreciating the old buildings and the atmosphere, it’s like you were in a modern – medieval era. The locals are also very accommodating, we were walking and saw an ice cream stand, we were in the line when they noticed us and let us go through first, we were hesitant because it was kind of a long cue plus they also have children with them but they insisted and also the child was smiling at us pointing the ice cream stand and so we obliged. We believed (I) that they were not used to having a tourist in their country but I know for a fact that some are still visiting Armenia. The cute part is they thought we are Chinese but no we don’t have the chinky eyes and super fair skin Chinese use to have (some Filipinos also have a fair skin tho). after taking photos, looking around and buying groceries for our dinner (yep! we are being super thrifty haha) we went back to the hostel and started cooking our dinner, chatting to each other and drinking. Oh, and by the way, I just met them at the airport!

while riding the ski lift alone! some part still has snow where we are going unfortunately I can’t find a decent photo to share hahaha

After a fun and relaxing night, we first went out to Echimiazin, it was the first cathedral that was built in the country and the world’s oldest (correct me if I’m wrong). The main church is under re-construction but still open for the public to pray. We saw a parade of priests and sacristans inside, it’s very rare for me to see it personally it’s like you were pulled back in time. After that, we went to Tsaghkadzor which is almost an hour drive and we were pretty much excited to experience the snow (no snow in our country and where I’m working at lol). Ski lifts brought us to the other side of the mountain to enjoy the scenery, so when we arrived there, we were like in a war—snowball fight! it brings out the kid inside me, us. After we got tired we went back to the van and visit Kecharis Monastery which is a medieval monastic complex dating back to the 11th to 13th centuries. Since we all woke up late and headed out late we decided to go back to the hostel. That night we go out for a drink and went to 90’s Cafe Pub, it is the most popular pub in Yerevan and the cue going inside was kinda long (when we arrive there). We had a blast that night, we get to meet people who became our friends hang out, danced and chatted with them for the rest of the night.

It’s a marathon for me to reach Khor Virap hahaha

On our 3rd day we woke up early had our breakfast and headed out again, we decided to go first to Lake Sevan, since it’s winter it is super cold, even when we were wearing our jackets you can still feel cold. While we were sightseeing and looking around before going up the hill to visit the church, one local vendor handed me a moonstone I was actually returning it back to her since I don’t want to buy it but she told me it’s a gift from her and I was so thankful I ended up buying a bundle of key chains to give to my friends. After taking several photos, we decided it’s time to go to the church and the view was so beautiful plus the weather. In Lake Sevan, you will see different monasteries and cemetery. After that, we went to Khor Virap where St. Gregory the Illuminator, the first official head of the catholic church was imprisoned for 14 years and when I saw the monastery at the top of the hill (not that it’s high but it’s still high for me) I blurted out “That’s too high! Are we really going to walk that far?!” (I’m not a fan of walking if there are staircases lol) they just laughed at me and I don’t have a choice but to walk and climb the stairs. But when we reached the peak, it feels so amazing, the wind touching my face and the scenery.

the marathon was worth it! my unsuccessful jump shot hahah

The view of Mt. Ararat was breathtaking. After appreciating and looking around the monastery we headed to Noravank Monastery, just by going to the monastery makes our eyes even fuller. The view, scenery, color of the sky, the road itself is already entertaining, not too wide not too narrow and it’s like someone dug out just so we can go to the monastery. When we arrived there, breathtaking is an underrated word, I cannot find the exact words to describe what I’ve felt when I got there. The sunset also made huge participation in making the place more beautiful. Since it’s a 1-hour drive from Khor Virap to Noravank and 2-hour drive to Yerevan. We decided to go home straight and just rest for a bit and walk around the city again trying to discover where to buy souvenirs which we found in Yerevan Square but kinda expensive compared to other shops behind the Square.

the photobomber in Noravank Monastery
the eternal flame inside Tsitsemakaberd Memorial in Yerevan, flowers are offered to Armenians who died

4th day, I slept late so I woke up late. My roommate saw me going to the washroom and she followed me, I was still inside the cubicle when I heard my roommate talking to someone. Then I came out and when the receptionist saw me who happens to be the one my roommate is talking with, smiled and looked like she’s embarrassed and started talking Russian (their language). I don’t have any idea what’s happening until my roommate burst out laughing, and explained to me what happened. The housekeeper walked inside the washroom and since my roommate who was standing in front of the mirror while talking to me, she thought that there’s a man inside girl’s washroom (hahaha my voice was already raspy and since I just woke up it gave me the sound of a man’s voice). They were so shy and embarrassed about what happened, they re-open the free breakfast for me even if it’s already past 11:00 AM and made me a pot of mint tea. We were all laughing at what happened. It was already late so we decided to just stay inside the hostel, then the owner came and invited us to go to Tsitsemakaberd Memorial since they are commemorating the lives that were perished during the war between Armenia and Turkey. It’s like a museum with photos hanging and displayed inside. We went outside and waited for our turn to see the fire surrounded by flowers given by the people to pay respect and commemorate the lives of thousands of Armenian. It was really an honor for us to be a part of that historical event. Imagine of us being proud because we didn’t see any Filipinos or Asians in that event. Thanks to the owner of the hostel who really exert so much effort just to keep us accommodated. I also made a special bond with the owner’s wife, we were linking our arms as we are walking, keep on chatting about my life, her kids and what we love doing. She bought cotton candy for me and when we came back to the hostel, she asked me to go with her to the grocery store-bought Ice cream, peanuts, chocolates, and other foods for me (all of them really made my voice worse but I still ate them) I was really touched by her gesture and I really appreciated it. Well when other guests saw what she bought for me, they envied me (hahaha but I shared it with them of course).

5th day, It’s the last day and we were preparing our things and ourselves for check out. It was really a sad day because we already got attached with the people in Armenia most especially to the people who we are with everyday, the receptionist who became our friend, we are still in contact with her to this day, to the owners and to other people who are in our group (sadly most of them are out of reach already so I don’t know their whereabouts now).

Those uncaptured memories that are forever in your hearts are the most genuine thing you could ever asked for, sure the photos made you remember. But what’s behind that photos are the reason the smile on your face was carved forever.

Travelling is a learning, learning is a living. We travel to learn not only the culture and the history of the place but to learn how to mingle with different races, be friends with different people, become a family with them and have trust on them. There will always be a language barrier but this doesn’t stop us to know them. It doesn’t stop us to be good to one another. You will also learn how to de-stress while travelling, putting everything behind and just enjoying where you are. It will also bring out the best in us..the kid in us.. And we live to learn, we are learning endless things. And by learning, we live our lives to the fullest, we live our lives to be the best we can be.

Love, Future You!

Dear Past Me,

How are you doing? Are you alright?

I know you are in a hard situation right now but everything will be okay. I believe in you. You are strong, don’t mind those people who only used you, they are temporary yes but don’t let them affect what and who you are forever. Don’t dwell too much in the past please, don’t hurt yourself too much ‘coz those people doesn’t deserve your attention and affection. You’ve done enough. All that matters are your true friends and family. You are one step closer to having a good life. Hang in there, all your sleepless nights and hardship will be paid off.

Me? I’m doing great thanks to you, because of your strength I’m complete and contented. I’m happy where I’am, extra thanks to your experiences and hardwork I have a stable and wonderful job now. I have few friends but they are for keeps, no user friendly in the circle now lol! I also have established and started the business you really like, hoping to expand since it’s a great hit! Yeah, I still work even if there’s business, that’s what you like and now I like it also. Our brother has a good position in a company now, still addicted to volleyball though. Mama is still healthy and kicking! Laughing as loud as she can like before. Regrets? you know it already (read My First Love Left Me) and I don’t regret anything other than that because I have learned so much from it, the decisions and the choices you’ve made and I know you will still be making, taught me how to become a better, stronger and not so vulnerable person. Someday, when you reach me, you’ll be super proud of yourself and stop belittling yourself. Just trust on yourself and HIM.

I know you will be smiling while reading this letter of mine, you really worked your self out so hard and I owe you big time for everything I have now. Hoping you’ll stay stronger and stop thinking of hurting yourself goodness! Oh and by the way I have 2 kids now and 1 on the way! Happily married with the guy you really really dreamed of (he is a catch, nice one past me!) They are so adorable. They are just like you, strong and compassionate. I can’t wait for you to meet them.

Love,

Future You!

It’s not bad to boast and say good things to yourself every now and then, It’s kinda embarrassing but it will be of great help, it’s like tapping your own shoulder while saying “Good Job! You did great!”. It will make you feel better and more motivated so that what your future you can truly come true. Have you thanked your past you already? Or you are still in the process to become the better version of you?

(photo ctto)