Two years ago, taking my own life came across my mind because of depression from losing my father. I’m a papa’s girl. No one noticed it. Well, I wore the mask perfectly that time that’s why.
But how can you really notice a person who is suicidal? How can you know if a person is really having a hard time while laughing with you and doing normal things like they used to? Below are some of the list, based on my experience, that can help you see or feel if someone is considering to end their lives, especially if you know that person (close or not)
Smiling lips but sad eyes. You can just see it, especially if you are really close to that person. Usually, sad eyes looks like you are having a flu.
Suddenly becomes a quiet person. The person is abnormally calm.
Likes to be alone most of the time.
Always out of energy. Always wants to sleep, because sleep is their escape from the pain they are feeling.
Staring blankly at something. Staring at your face as if the person is memorizing what you look like.
Food or liquor becomes their bestfriend.
Always irritated. Always Impulsive
Most of their posts on their social media accounts are all about loneliness, feeling alone and sarcasm.
Unusual activities from their everyday life.
They will start to just reminisce the good old times and just sigh a lot of times. Talking as if it’s their last.
Those are the things I felt when I’m in that stage. How did I get out from it?
I started to realized that yeah, I lost my dad but then, would he be happy if I follow him sooner? NO. I also realized that I still have my mom and my brother with me. I don’t want to add another pain while their wounds are still open and fresh. It’s a sin to take your own life.
Actually people that are suicidal are always giving hints to see if they are really important and if people really do care and love them. If you think that something is not right with your friends or family well, there’s something is not really right. You wouldn’t think of that if you didn’t notice something from them right?
Some just wanted to take their own life to free themselves from the hardships they are going through, from the heartbreak they are going through. But is it really that easy to leave the people who believe and care for you behind? Is it really worth it to block the opportunity and the chance for you to be happy again? It’s not easy to say things like this, BUT, if you are in this situation or you are thinking of this please…please, ask yourself first. “Will I be happy after I’ve done this?”, “Will there be any difference?”, “What if I still have a chance?” and tell to yourself, “I want to be happy”
ALWAYS talk to your family and friends, or to some random people just to let you vent out. Do not fight the battle alone, it’s okay not to be okay. Cry it out. Remove the heavy thing that’s hurting and bothering you. PRAY. Ask for guidance and peace of mind and heart. Easy to say yes, but suicide should not be an option to get out or to escape. All we need to do is think before we act, realize before we act.
My inbox is always open, you can send me a private message if you want someone to talk to.
I’ve been active in blogging for almost a year now, and it’s really amazing!
My very first blog was last 2015, when I came back here in UAE for a job. If you haven’t read “Where It All Begins” then you might get confused if you’ve read “Life As An Overseas Worker” first. But what’s more confusing is this statement hahaha! Anyway, I deleted my first blog because I’m not confident enough and doubting myself if what I’m doing is right and okay.
Fast forward to 2019, I started blogging, still not confident but I don’t doubt on myself anymore. I cannot please everyone, I cannot blog based on what people really expected in a blog but I’m trying. I blog because I want to motivate people, I want to share my experiences and maybe give some light to some people who are experiencing and experienced what I’ve been thru. I might blog something that’s too personal to blog or might post a topic that is really unattractive for some people. My vocabulary is limited.
But I really love blogging, I love conveying my feelings through blogs.
Especially the blogging and writing community. I’m really grateful and thankful for the community. I’ve talked and established a relationship with other bloggers from different countries. I haven’t personally meet anyone from the community yet, but I really care for those people. OMG why am I in tears? hahaha I’m just grateful for having friends like you guys, for treating me nice and for spending time to talk to me. The connection and not being easily judged. I’m overwhelmed from the support I’ve been receiving, from the friendship you are giving, from the trust and most especially for accepting me not just as Yourstrulie but as Liezl. You guys are the best! I cannot express in words how thankful I’am to be a part of this community. I love you guys and from the bottom of my heart:
Those are the languages I know in saying Thank you, I don’t want to google it and the list might be long enough we will take a couple of more hours just to read it hahaha!
I really do appreciate you guys.I will always have your back! I will always be here to support you. I will always walk the journey with you.
Yourstrulie now signing off…
Joooooooooke!! Will never happen ofcourse, loving the community and there’s no reason to sign off yet. 🙂
Are people classified based on the color of the skin? Can a person judge another person by his color instead of his personality and character? Is it okay to mock and bully someone because they are somehow not of your own color and has a different language?
I mentioned in my previous post, “Life As An Overseas Worker”, that I was racially profiled. Because I’m Asian, some people see me as an ingrate, a gold digger– a person who will do anything for money. Some see me as a sex worker. Some will question my true intention. And some will treat me differently from others because I’m Asian. Just last March, I was told to “Just find an old white man.” It seems like she thinks I’m after an American guy for my convenience and advantage. Just because I dated a guy who happens to be an American doesn’t mean I’m after him because of where he came from.
I’m still fortunate compared to others who are being racially profiled with violence attached to it. Some are wrongfully convicted and harassed, why? Because they are black. Some are being bullied at work and by customers, why? Because they are Hispanic. Some are being maltreated, why? Because they are Asian, especially now that there’s a battle versus COVID-19. Some are being taken advantage of, why? Because they are Caucasian. Some are being feared of, why? Because they are from the Middle East. Some are being a laughing stock, why? Because they can’t fully communicate in English. And then the cycle will repeat and rotate. All will be shared the same sufferings.
Your words and actions show your true color. Just because you are different from others doesn’t mean you are above them or below them. Words, laughter, and the way you look can kill a person.
Self-entitlement cannot save a person from dying. A person who comes up with his own “privilege” will be soon forgotten. Arrogance will forever be a person’s ID but being righteous will forever be engraved in everyone’s heart and memory.
Racism might not end as the past generations already classified us by the color of our skin and by the shape of our tongue, we cannot change that, it’s already in our history books. But what we can change is the future by being the true judge of the true colors, by being used to the word “equality” and by accepting one another regardless of where they came from, regardless of their ethnicity and regardless of their colors.
No one is born a racist, it was taught by others. If you can learn racism, for sure you can learn equality and the difference between acceptance, prejudice and ignorance. It’s your call.
Are you currently working or still studying and considering of working somewhere, may it be in your own country or abroad? Still uncertain?
I’m currently working abroad for 5 ages now, in 4 different companies. Yep! that’s a lot of companies considering its only 5 years. I have mentioned it in “You Deserve It!” as to why I have to keep on shifting jobs. Regrets? Other than not seeing my dad for 2 years before he passed away, I have nothing to regret. Is it hard? Yes, it is really difficult! Especially now that the globe is experiencing war with COVID19, the feeling of yearning to be with your family just to guarantee their safety and to support them emotionally and physically. It’s hard to be apart from your family, I missed a lot of; birthdays, festivals, weddings, family gatherings, Christmas’, new years and so forth. It’s hard not to see them, hold them, kiss them, cry with them and laugh with them. How about video calling them? Yes it is the most accessible way to see them but, I’m working here in the Middle East, and in this country, a video call isn’t that easy to use. Messenger call, Whatsapp call, and Skype are all blocked, I have to try several apps and VPNs until I stumbled upon zoom, but my mom is not a techie, so even if it’s easy to use, it’s kinda difficult for her.
Some people here are really nice and kind, especially the locals, it’s their country yet other expats like me think they own the place by the way they act. I’m of Asian descent and I have been verbally discriminated and racially profiled. At first, it was really hurtful, but as time passes by, I just don’t let it get into my nerves, it’s not worthy of time. Even how hard you explain yourself to them, they will not listen. I actually pity those kinds of people, why? Because they are insecure, cannot move on and humiliating themselves to society. Hopefully one day, there will be no people who will judge you by the shade of your skin and by your ethnicity, let’s also include people who have disabilities.
Do I earn a lot? Hhhhmmm compared to what I’m making when I was still working in my country, yes. Because the exchange rate is high, so my wage is high as well– at least if it’s converted to peso. I’m living and renting a room in a villa with 2 people. Lucky me, the rent is not expensive and it’s near to my office. But most people are going for a bedspace as it is really affordable. Bedspace is renting either, the upper or the lower bed of the double-deck in a room with other 6 people. There’s also called partition, wherein you will rent a small space inside a room, having your privacy compared to bed spacer as landlords built a thin wooden wall to separate you from other tenants. If you are fortunate enough to have a high salary, then you can rent a flat.
Perks of working overseas? Excellent salary package, great insurance if you are in a good company, you get to travel oftentimes as it is more affordable and accessible, extensive connection- new friends and families, got the chance to engage with different nationalities and learn their cultures, let’s say it will develop your communication skills since English is the universal language and you don’t have any option but to use it to interact, a yearly plane ticket for my annual leave, big servings of food (in my country foods are expensive plus the servings are too small), and molding you to be a great independent person. If you are in western countries, then the chance of acquiring citizenship is plausible.
Life as an overseas worker is not as easy as it appears to be. Some people believe that working abroad makes us wealthy and it’s sad because some friends or relatives will ask you favor, and if you can’t give them what they asked for, you are a selfish person in their eyes and will compare you to other overseas workers. People have different types of work and a sense of responsibility which they don’t seem to understand. You need to adjust to their cultures, rules and abide their law. I have to be away from my family so I can support them and provide what they need. Give them what I want them to have. I have to work harder so I can reward myself for doing a great job. There are days I have to eat merely this type and kind of food so I can save more. Of course, there are also days that I will eat and pig out and go to an expensive beanery. I’m quite fortunate compared to other overseas workers who barely eat and sleep properly just to earn more and send money to their families. Am I happy? So-so, pleased that I can provide what my family needs and wants, I can somehow buy what I want. And just what I’ve been telling the whole time, sad and hard because I’m away from my family. Sacrificing is what overseas workers do all the time. Homesickness is a powerful enemy of us. The word says it all. Courage is our shield and Family is what motivates us.
After a short hiatus regarding blog posts (“Untitled 2019” isn’t really a blog post, I don’t think so!), I’m back!
How would you guys feel if someone were to approach you and ask you to do an interview with them, which would then be posted on their website or written about on their blog site? Exciting isn’t it?!
I was mentioned in one of the Ovasinax team’s tweets, last October (in 2019); they expressed an interest in featuring me on their website, and so, I sent them a direct message to inquire about that tweet. They replied sooner than expected, explained to me about the interview invitation, and told me the reason why they were interested in interviewing me. It was a thrilling moment for me, and I was so touched by their words regarding my blog posts. I was out of words and was feeling strong emotions because someone had acknowledged my blog posts in a positive way. My blog posts define me as a person… that’s why when someone shows an interest in them, it makes me feel like I’m an important and special person, contented and simply overjoyed.
When I received the questions from the Ovasinax team regarding my interview, I was excited to answer them all… the questions didn’t only focus on my blogging, but also on my overall life/existence in this world. Many of their questions were so nostalgia-inducing… they brought me back to old times and memories that I had of times when I was trying my best to become a better version of myself (I’m still in the process of doing that, by the way!). There were also “rapid-fire” questions that made me feel hyped up while answering them… I imagined answering them in person (face-to-face) while having fun but being pressured by time (and thinking that I needed to talk very fast… haha!). Please take a peek at the SPOTLIGHT tab on the officialOvasinax website, and you will get to know more about me there – regarding both my blogging life and my everyday life.
Later, my interview Q&A was posted on the official Ovasinax website and it went live! I still can’t stop reading through that page… I read it while smiling to myself. I just can’t believe that I’m featured on someone else’s website, not to mention having my own special section on it! I was initially kinda shy about mentioning this interview to my friends and family, but on second thoughts – why wouldn’t I?! So, I told them about it and shared the link on my Social Media accounts, and I’m both proud and thankful for the feature. It’s still surreal that someone did this for me… for “Yourstrulie”! We (the Ovasinax team and I) didn’t know each other to begin with… total strangers who are thousand miles apart… yet, my blog posts and my feelings reached them.
Curious about Ovasinax? It is a game that was created/designed based on memories of the creators’ youthful times, especially focusing on thoughts of young adult pool-parties… Ovasinax is a tandem sprint race that features a man running or walking as fast as he can in a swimming pool while a woman stands and sits on his shoulders (this is during competition with two other male-female pairs), and this game also serves to promote – competition, fitness motivation, and expressions of bright personalities (when possible).
The Ovasinax game and website were designed by Jerome and Lucy who, by the way, have been happily married for 12 years now, are in their 40s, and are still kicking the sports that they both love; they are Canadians of Asian origin (Sri Lankan and Filipino heritage, respectively). Jerome and Lucy both work in the medical field… we all know how tight the schedules of people who work in this field can be, but these two still manage to enjoy traveling; they also appreciate cold weather – which is just perfect for a cuddle – and are very fond of animals, especially cats. Their hobbies include reading and writing, which explains why they pay attention to blogs and blog posts.
The Ovasinax team is constantly promoting and supporting me, which is a very big help in terms of expanding my network and helping my blog posts to become known by people around the globe; they also don’t ask for anything from me in return. Still, I decided to do an interview, and this time, it will be with them in the spotlight. They actually didn’t want to do it, but I insisted and told them that it’s my way of showing my gratitude to them. So, without further ado….
Question: How did you come across my blog posts? Answer: We came across your blog site and your blog posts after we came across your tweets and your whole Twitter account; since you are clearly very engaging and popular on Twitter, we then checked out your blog posts and were very impressed by your openness, sweetness, purpose, and heart (all of which you display whenever you write/compose).
Question: When did you make the decision to feature me on the official Ovasinax website? Why? Answer: We decided to ask you if you would like to be interviewed by us (and be featured on a special page on the official Ovasinax website), very soon after we read your magnetic blog posts. The reasons for wanting to feature you on the official Ovasinax website were – you seemed to have a great personality, you are certainly an up-and-coming blogger, you (we felt sure) would be honest & detailed in your interview answers, and you are very beautiful.
Question: Out of all of my blog posts, which most caught your attention or interest? Why? Answer: All of your blog posts are interesting, and the two that captivated us the most were – “The Warmth Of Armenia” and “Love, Future You!”. The reasons for those two posts being especially interesting were – the first one was a great travel-based post with gorgeous pictures and nice anecdotes, while the second one had important and inspiring pieces of general life advice.
Question: How and where did Ovasinax get started? Answer: Ovasinax got started in our minds, based on thoughts of younger “party” days… the concept was expanded upon (and the rules & regulations were created) by us in Canada, although since Canada is a relatively cold country, Ovasinax has unsurprisingly gained most interest in warmer parts of the world (like Australia).
Question: What is your main goal regarding Ovasinax and how do you think it will help people who play it? Answer: Our main goal regarding Ovasinax is for it to keep on growing and gaining popularity in more parts of the world (hopefully, it can eventually get onto TV screens worldwide, too!). Ovasinax is a great way for couples to train together, bond with each other, motivate/challenge each other, and stay fit together… plus – it is romantic!
Question: How do you describe the best feeling you have had, regarding Ovasinax? Answer: The best feeling that we have had (re: Ovasinax), so far is – pride while seeing more and more people in different countries becoming interested in this game and trying to play it, write about it, film videos about it, and tell other people about it.
The Ovasinax team consists of such good-hearted people; their pieces of advice and their suggestions motivate me to do better. From strangers to friends! From “someone” to mentors! Glad that they came across my blog posts, and glad to have them in every chapter of Yourstrulie’s journey!
Hardships are part of our lives, whether we like it or not.It might make you strong or might make you want to give up. It depends on how we take those hardships and how we deal with it. I myself encountered so many hardships and still experiencing them. There are times where I really just want to give up but the list below are the thing’s I’ve done to endure everything for the sake of my family and especially for the sake of myself.
Think Twice Before You Act, Before You Speak. Learn how to weigh the situation before you take an action. Always think of the consequences, will it be good for you or will it further damage you? Thinking before opening your mouth wouldn’t hurt, instead it will teach you to be witty and patient.
Shrugged It Off. When you are about to give up the last straw that you are holding after all the things you’ve been through, well stop right there! You’ve endured a lot already why give up now? You suffered already why not continue it?I mean, you should fight on your suffering or just shrugged it off and tell to yourself “One more time buddy, let’s show who really the boss is!” In my language “Todo na ‘to!”, meaning push yourself further.
Stick To Your Goals. Just because you are not achieving your goals yet you will create a new set of goals. No. Believe me it will only hurt you. Stick to your goals, even if there’s so many trials and the roads are rough, if you set your mind on achieving it you will achieve it. And once you achieved your set of goals, you can make another one if you want.
One At A Time. Multi-tasking is good, it will help you finish on time and train you to work with minimal supervision with accurate outcome. BUT don’t multi-task on handling your problems and dealing with the hardships you are currently going through. Solving life problems is similar to solving math problems. You need to solve the first one before you move to the next one until you finish it all. Solving problems all at the same time will give you sleepless nights and endless headaches. Solve one problem but do not forget the others. Be cautious and always let yourself breathe.
Don’t Pity Yourself. Stop making yourself more depressed and stressed, what you are going through are enough, don’t add and stir drama. Pitying yourself will only make the situation worst, you won’t be able to move forward and it will be too late to go back. So self pity will just leave you hanging in the air, lost and demotivated. Stand strong and don’t let yourself down, Always think you are still fortunate compared to other people who are suffering worst than you are but still managing to fight the battle and never loses hope.
Love Of Families And Friends. Never be embarrassed of what is happening to you, don’t keep it by yourself. Talk to your families and friends, even if they can’t help you financially, they can help you emotionally. Money cannot buy the sincerity and care by the people who truly love you. Sure money is important but their love, support, effort, understanding and words can keep you calm and stay strong and motivated. A hug from them is more than enough to fight.
Believe In Yourself. Just what like Sailor Venus says “Just believe in yourself and nobody can’t beat you!”, Your self is your own enemy. So just keep on moving forward and help yourself go through those hardships. Even if no one believes in you, you need to believe in your self and prove them wrong. Believing what you are capable of is the best way to achieve your goals and endure any hardships that will come to you.
Talk To Him. Submit everything to HIM. HE knows what your heart truly desires. No matter where you are and what you are doing, you can always talk to HIM and ask for peace of mind, heart and guidance.
I talked about giving up is sometimes a good thing in my previous post, but that situation is different, so in life and in this post I will say that you should not give up. Problems and hardships are included in our life already from the very first day when we were born. You just have to play the game well and not be eaten by negative aura and demons. Always look at the brighter side. And remember, after battling with those hardships, good things will start to come.
There’s a rainbow always after the rain. Always keep that in mind and in your heart.
Have you ever been in a toxic and abusive relationship with someone? Have you tried fixing it or you are just inlove with the idea of being in a relationship and ignored the signs and red flags?
Couples at the beginning are full of love and joy, smile and laughters are endless. Those dates and late hang outs makes your heart flutter. Those hugs and kisses are too hard to end–until you came to know each other too well.
I have been in a toxic relationship before and thankfully not abusive but I can tell that you will not realize it’s toxic unless you are totally out of that relationship. Signs that you are in a toxic relationship (abused POV):
It’s always your fault no matter what he/she did to you (talking about physically and mentally, let’s add emotionally), it’s always your fault. You always feel at fault all the time.
You are mad at him/her when he/she cheated on you or do something bad but fall for him/her even harder when he/she “explained” to you and denied everything.
You put him/her first before anyone else. Before anything else, even if it means loosing your dreams and goals especially your life and career.
You don’t respect yourself anymore and just beg for his/her forgiveness, beg for him/her to not go (top of the list!)
You know the truth but still choose to be blinded by your love ( or is it really love?)
You will seek advice and comfort from your friends but won’t listen and choose to stay with him/her even you know for yourself it’s not healthy anymore. Even if it means losing your friends and family.
How to get away with it? Well it’s not easy, some people are abusive either, emotionally or physically. It’s even harder if it’s both. It may be easy to say this and I know it is hard:
But always trust your guts, don’t wait until it’s too late.
ALWAYS LOVE YOURSELF FIRST.
It’s okay to be afraid, it’s fine if you are afraid of him/her but always remember you have friends and family you can run in to.
It’s hard but you have to help yourself, you have to step up for yourself and for your future.
Don’t be denial and delusional. It’s hard to do this but you have to give it a try. Think of your happy times before you met him/her. You are happy even before he/she came to your life so you could do it also even when he/she isn’t there anymore.
Go out and have some fun, breathe some air and laugh (don’t laugh alone please lol). Don’t sulk in and don’t let depression eat you.
Always remember you are loved by many.
It’s really hard to get out of a toxic and unhealthy relationship, you just have to stay strong for your dreams and future with your family and friends. Be vocal, even if you can see your friends and family getting irritated and annoyed when you open your mouth to talk about him/her, it’s fine. They are not mad at you, they are concerned to the point of saying hurtful words to you just so you wake up from the nightmare you allowed to dream of. It’s okay to give up, sometimes giving up is not a sign of being a coward, sometimes it’s a sign of being strong because you are getting your self out from the situation that may drag you down. Especially when you are fighting to save your relationship yet he/she isn’t.
Giving up your life? Getting tired of it? Nahhh– run to your friends and family, they will give you a lot of reason to move forward.
I was walking yesterday to clear up my mind, thinking whether what I’m doing is right or wrong. I have lots of issues I’m struggling to fight with right now. I always seem to complain in everything. Like EVERYTHING! I’m too sensitive and always end up being emotionally stressed out and dramatic. I tend to be grumpy most of the time nowadays. Even in text messages, a person can clearly know that I’m irritated or not in a good mood.
Then I decided to do these things to get out of the spot I created:
I decided to go for a walk so I won’t allow my self to further hit the red button (becoming depressed).
Indulge myself by buying me a booba and a piece of cake. (Cheat day it is!)
Enjoy the breeze of the cold and gentle wind that touches my skin.
Gaze up and appreciate the beauty of the sky.
Oh and did I mentioned walk with your friend?Yes! Big help to have someone accompany you. Having someone beside you helps a lot. Most especially if your friend talks non-stop. Like you are having your own issues yet you are listening to other people’s issues.
Those are just simple and basics but surely you will automatically feel at peace, relaxed and start to become positive again. It helped me cleared up my mind and thought that maybe I’m like that because I was inside the house most of the time.
I realized we are just like the sky above us. Life is not all about joy and laughter it’s not always morning. Gloomy days, evening time will come and it’s okay, we are not perfect, we are humans who have emotions and feelings but always remember that it’s your choice whether to stay on that spot or not. It will not even cost you that much if you want to fight that issues and throw it in a bin. You don’t need a fancy tour, all you need is a courage to step out, appreciate life and continue building the better version of you.