Loving A Heartbreak

Having a broken heart is the worst feeling you can ever experience. You will feel tightness, heaviness and actual pain in your chest and stomach. As if someone tries to burn your heart. As if someone is pounding at your heart. May it be heartbreak from breaking up with your partner, feeling alone and lost, losing your friends and family members and the likes.

But I believe in loving a heartbreak, weird isn’t it? Why would people need to love it when they want to get over it? But that is the logic of it, you have to love it so you can get over it (unless you really don’t want to get over it and just ruin your self for someone who cannot stop damaging you).

How to do it? Below is my opinion on how to:

  1. Acceptance – you have to wake up and face the reality, accepting that your time with someone has already ended. I know that it’s hard to accept the fact that someone broke your heart, it’s hard to accept that what you had with someone is not special anymore, it’s hard to accept that you lost someone forever, but know what’s harder? To be trapped inside the world you created just to please someone who just doesn’t care. To be waiting for someone who doesn’t have any plans on returning. Feel the pain, it will help you to open your eyes and there, you will start to accept everything.
  2. Forgiveness – forgiving someone who isn’t sorry is the bravest thing you can do. It’s a hard step to do, but very lightest way to move on. Forgive yourself as well, just because the person broke your heart that doesn’t mean you haven’t done anything wrong. Assess yourself and forgive yourself. Forgive yourself but never doubt yourself, you are more than enough. Forgive yourself for being in that situation. Just like the old saying says “Forgive and forget”. Forgiving someone is not easy, it needs a right time. Don’t hurry things up, time will come and automatically you will give that to the person and to your self.
  3. Don’t regret – don’t regret or think you have wasted your time hanging out with someone who ended up breaking your heart. You enjoyed those times together, you smiled, you laughed and you loved every bits of that moment so why regret things? Instead of wasting your time and energy regretting about it, start to think about what you have learned and how it molded you to be a strong person than before. Always opt for number 1 and it will be easier.
  4. Let go – let it all go and move on. Easier said than done, but you have to let go. Don’t hold grudges to someone because you will end up hurting yourself. It’s fine to be mad at them because you have a reason and it’s normal but you have to let go. Don’t hold on and cling to someone who wants to walk away, let them go. Learn to value yourself.

It’s okay to be sad, it’s okay to be mad, it’s okay to be heartbroken but loving all of it will give you peace of mind and heart, and a realization in life.

Always remember, it’s okay not to be okay, it’s normal to feel pain.

Loving a heartbreak will teach you that everything takes time and effort. Loving a heartbreak will make you stronger. Loving a heartbreak will open a new door for you, a new path to walk with to a better future and better you.

(Potential) Signs Of Being Abused In A Relationship

Have you ever been in a toxic and abusive relationship with someone? Have you tried fixing it or you are just inlove with the idea of being in a relationship and ignored the signs and red flags?

Couples at the beginning are full of love and joy, smile and laughters are endless. Those dates and late hang outs makes your heart flutter. Those hugs and kisses are too hard to end–until you came to know each other too well.

I have been in a toxic relationship before and thankfully not abusive but I can tell that you will not realize it’s toxic unless you are totally out of that relationship. Signs that you are in a toxic relationship (abused POV):

  1. It’s always your fault no matter what he/she did to you (talking about physically and mentally, let’s add emotionally), it’s always your fault. You always feel at fault all the time.
  2. You are mad at him/her when he/she cheated on you or do something bad but fall for him/her even harder when he/she “explained” to you and denied everything.
  3. You put him/her first before anyone else. Before anything else, even if it means loosing your dreams and goals especially your life and career.
  4. You don’t respect yourself anymore and just beg for his/her forgiveness, beg for him/her to not go (top of the list!)
  5. You know the truth but still choose to be blinded by your love ( or is it really love?)
  6. You will seek advice and comfort from your friends but won’t listen and choose to stay with him/her even you know for yourself it’s not healthy anymore. Even if it means losing your friends and family.

How to get away with it? Well it’s not easy, some people are abusive either, emotionally or physically. It’s even harder if it’s both. It may be easy to say this and I know it is hard:

  1. But always trust your guts, don’t wait until it’s too late.
  2. ALWAYS LOVE YOURSELF FIRST.
  3. It’s okay to be afraid, it’s fine if you are afraid of him/her but always remember you have friends and family you can run in to.
  4. It’s hard but you have to help yourself, you have to step up for yourself and for your future.
  5. Don’t be denial and delusional. It’s hard to do this but you have to give it a try. Think of your happy times before you met him/her. You are happy even before he/she came to your life so you could do it also even when he/she isn’t there anymore.
  6. Go out and have some fun, breathe some air and laugh (don’t laugh alone please lol). Don’t sulk in and don’t let depression eat you.
  7. Always remember you are loved by many.

It’s really hard to get out of a toxic and unhealthy relationship, you just have to stay strong for your dreams and future with your family and friends. Be vocal, even if you can see your friends and family getting irritated and annoyed when you open your mouth to talk about him/her, it’s fine. They are not mad at you, they are concerned to the point of saying hurtful words to you just so you wake up from the nightmare you allowed to dream of. It’s okay to give up, sometimes giving up is not a sign of being a coward, sometimes it’s a sign of being strong because you are getting your self out from the situation that may drag you down. Especially when you are fighting to save your relationship yet he/she isn’t.

Giving up your life? Getting tired of it? Nahhh– run to your friends and family, they will give you a lot of reason to move forward.

We are here for you.

I’AM HERE FOR YOU.

Thank You Ex!

“Thank you for the brokenheart. And thank you for the permanent scar, ‘coz if it wasn’t for you I might forget how it feels to let go, how it feels to get a brand new start..” that’s the lyrics of J Rice’s song ‘ Thank You for the Broken Heart ‘ and that’s my song to the person I used to love–miel.

I’ve been in a relationship for 3 years with this person who is 4 years older than me. We don’t have the kind of relationship I used to dream of. Our worlds only rotates to each other. He will cancel his appointments just so I can’t go out with my friends, but his efforts were exceptional.

There’s no doubt I’ve loved him with all of me, but that leaves a huge question mark for me, Am I not good enough? I caught him cheating on me several times but of course no cheater will acknowledge their mistakes, instead they will put the blame on you. So after knowing he cheated on me, I still gave him a chance, and a chance, and a chance and a chance. What? I loved him and yes I’m kinda martyr. But ofcourse even though he cheated on me, he still does great things for me, I felt that he loved me but not as strong as he loved his first nor his second and even his third! lol, but the effort he exerted just to travel 1 hour going to my place leaves a huge impact. I loved him unconditionally and even prayed and dreamed of having a family with him. Even on my 3rd year anniversary of being single, I still loved him. I stalk his social media account as well as his sisters’ just to have an update of him.

I did had a hard time moving on, they told me to cut my hair so I can start moving on and it took me 3 hairstyles but I was still into him. I buried myself in work so I won’t think of him, I started hanging out with my friends just so I cannot remember the pain. But at the end of the day, I find myself staring blankly to something not realizing my tears had fallen from my eyes. Asking myself what have I done? Why can’t I have the chance I’ve given you? Why do you have to leave me when I needed you the most?( I was diagnosed of having a colitis and hirschsprung disease). I tried to make things work with him but I failed. He is just happy without me in his life, and I was miserable without him in mine.

We have lot’s of good memories but it was overshadowed by the arguments, confrontations, him cheating on me and the lies that we both throw to each other. But I’m okay now. People who knew us being a couple before asked me “What if he comes back? What if he want you back in his life again?” my answer is always “He will always have a special part in my life, But would I settle to this kind of person? No.”

I have moved on, and for being single for 7 years I can say I’m happy. For sure I miss those petty quarrels and stuffs but having a relationship with myself and HIM made me contented and happy.

My unsolicited advise is, just go with what you are feeling, wanna chase (please chase with good intention. Don’t try to hurt and stalk that person him/her?) that person? Go for it, people might tell you the otherwise but atleast there’s no ‘ What ifs’ running to your mind while moving on. It might be happy ending or extra pain but that’s fine, it will only help you to move on and realize it’s not really worth fighting for anymore. No closure? Sometimes not having a closure is a closure, think and tell to yourself “I’ve lived my life to the fullest before meeting him/her, I can do the same thing again after”. And PLEASE, don’t even try to think of committing suicide or trying to hurt yourself. Even if you do that it will only make the matter worst, will he come back to you? Maybe yes out of pity but more on no. Don’t blame yourself just because your relationship failed, don’t apologize because it failed. Instead be grateful because it will give you the chance to grow, it will give you the knowledge of how to love and respect yourself more than anyone else, it will give you the chance to meet the right one and be happy with your life. Be thankful because it will make you stronger and start a brand new life.


“Move on for a better you instead of moving on to stay the same you.”