Hints Of A Suicidal Person

Two years ago, taking my own life came across my mind because of depression from losing my father. I’m a papa’s girl. No one noticed it. Well, I wore the mask perfectly that time that’s why.

But how can you really notice a person who is suicidal? How can you know if a person is really having a hard time while laughing with you and doing normal things like they used to? Below are some of the list, based on my experience, that can help you see or feel if someone is considering to end their lives, especially if you know that person (close or not)

  1. Smiling lips but sad eyes. You can just see it, especially if you are really close to that person. Usually, sad eyes looks like you are having a flu.
  2. Suddenly becomes a quiet person. The person is abnormally calm.
  3. Likes to be alone most of the time.
  4. Always out of energy. Always wants to sleep, because sleep is their escape from the pain they are feeling.
  5. Staring blankly at something. Staring at your face as if the person is memorizing what you look like.
  6. Food or liquor becomes their bestfriend.
  7. Always irritated. Always Impulsive
  8. Most of their posts on their social media accounts are all about loneliness, feeling alone and sarcasm.
  9. Unusual activities from their everyday life.
  10. They will start to just reminisce the good old times and just sigh a lot of times. Talking as if it’s their last.

Those are the things I felt when I’m in that stage. How did I get out from it?

I started to realized that yeah, I lost my dad but then, would he be happy if I follow him sooner? NO. I also realized that I still have my mom and my brother with me. I don’t want to add another pain while their wounds are still open and fresh. It’s a sin to take your own life.

Actually people that are suicidal are always giving hints to see if they are really important and if people really do care and love them. If you think that something is not right with your friends or family well, there’s something is not really right. You wouldn’t think of that if you didn’t notice something from them right?

Some just wanted to take their own life to free themselves from the hardships they are going through, from the heartbreak they are going through. But is it really that easy to leave the people who believe and care for you behind? Is it really worth it to block the opportunity and the chance for you to be happy again? It’s not easy to say things like this, BUT, if you are in this situation or you are thinking of this please…please, ask yourself first. “Will I be happy after I’ve done this?”, “Will there be any difference?”, “What if I still have a chance?” and tell to yourself, “I want to be happy”

ALWAYS talk to your family and friends, or to some random people just to let you vent out. Do not fight the battle alone, it’s okay not to be okay. Cry it out. Remove the heavy thing that’s hurting and bothering you. PRAY. Ask for guidance and peace of mind and heart. Easy to say yes, but suicide should not be an option to get out or to escape. All we need to do is think before we act, realize before we act.

My inbox is always open, you can send me a private message if you want someone to talk to.

I’m here for you.

The Formula Of Prejudice: Colors + Judgement * Ignorance = Racism

Are people classified based on the color of the skin? Can a person judge another person by his color instead of his personality and character? Is it okay to mock and bully someone because they are somehow not of your own color and has a different language?

I mentioned in my previous post, “Life As An Overseas Worker”, that I was racially profiled. Because I’m Asian, some people see me as an ingrate, a gold digger– a person who will do anything for money. Some see me as a sex worker. Some will question my true intention. And some will treat me differently from others because I’m Asian. Just last March, I was told to “Just find an old white man.” It seems like she thinks I’m after an American guy for my convenience and advantage. Just because I dated a guy who happens to be an American doesn’t mean I’m after him because of where he came from.

I’m still fortunate compared to others who are being racially profiled with violence attached to it. Some are wrongfully convicted and harassed, why? Because they are black. Some are being bullied at work and by customers, why? Because they are Hispanic. Some are being maltreated, why? Because they are Asian, especially now that there’s a battle versus COVID-19. Some are being taken advantage of, why? Because they are Caucasian. Some are being feared of, why? Because they are from the Middle East. Some are being a laughing stock, why? Because they can’t fully communicate in English. And then the cycle will repeat and rotate. All will be shared the same sufferings.

Your words and actions show your true color. Just because you are different from others doesn’t mean you are above them or below them. Words, laughter, and the way you look can kill a person.

Self-entitlement cannot save a person from dying. A person who comes up with his own “privilege” will be soon forgotten. Arrogance will forever be a person’s ID but being righteous will forever be engraved in everyone’s heart and memory.

Racism might not end as the past generations already classified us by the color of our skin and by the shape of our tongue, we cannot change that, it’s already in our history books. But what we can change is the future by being the true judge of the true colors, by being used to the word “equality” and by accepting one another regardless of where they came from, regardless of their ethnicity and regardless of their colors.

No one is born a racist, it was taught by others. If you can learn racism, for sure you can learn equality and the difference between acceptance, prejudice and ignorance. It’s your call.

Life As An Overseas Worker

Are you currently working or still studying and considering of working somewhere, may it be in your own country or abroad? Still uncertain?

I’m currently working abroad for 5 ages now, in 4 different companies. Yep! that’s a lot of companies considering its only 5 years. I have mentioned it in “You Deserve It!” as to why I have to keep on shifting jobs. Regrets? Other than not seeing my dad for 2 years before he passed away, I have nothing to regret. Is it hard? Yes, it is really difficult! Especially now that the globe is experiencing war with COVID19, the feeling of yearning to be with your family just to guarantee their safety and to support them emotionally and physically. It’s hard to be apart from your family, I missed a lot of; birthdays, festivals, weddings, family gatherings, Christmas’, new years and so forth. It’s hard not to see them, hold them, kiss them, cry with them and laugh with them. How about video calling them? Yes it is the most accessible way to see them but, I’m working here in the Middle East, and in this country, a video call isn’t that easy to use. Messenger call, Whatsapp call, and Skype are all blocked, I have to try several apps and VPNs until I stumbled upon zoom, but my mom is not a techie, so even if it’s easy to use, it’s kinda difficult for her.

Some people here are really nice and kind, especially the locals, it’s their country yet other expats like me think they own the place by the way they act. I’m of Asian descent and I have been verbally discriminated and racially profiled. At first, it was really hurtful, but as time passes by, I just don’t let it get into my nerves, it’s not worthy of time. Even how hard you explain yourself to them, they will not listen. I actually pity those kinds of people, why? Because they are insecure, cannot move on and humiliating themselves to society. Hopefully one day, there will be no people who will judge you by the shade of your skin and by your ethnicity, let’s also include people who have disabilities.

Do I earn a lot? Hhhhmmm compared to what I’m making when I was still working in my country, yes. Because the exchange rate is high, so my wage is high as well– at least if it’s converted to peso. I’m living and renting a room in a villa with 2 people. Lucky me, the rent is not expensive and it’s near to my office. But most people are going for a bedspace as it is really affordable. Bedspace is renting either, the upper or the lower bed of the double-deck in a room with other 6 people. There’s also called partition, wherein you will rent a small space inside a room, having your privacy compared to bed spacer as landlords built a thin wooden wall to separate you from other tenants. If you are fortunate enough to have a high salary, then you can rent a flat.

Perks of working overseas? Excellent salary package, great insurance if you are in a good company, you get to travel oftentimes as it is more affordable and accessible, extensive connection- new friends and families, got the chance to engage with different nationalities and learn their cultures, let’s say it will develop your communication skills since English is the universal language and you don’t have any option but to use it to interact, a yearly plane ticket for my annual leave, big servings of food (in my country foods are expensive plus the servings are too small), and molding you to be a great independent person. If you are in western countries, then the chance of acquiring citizenship is plausible.

Life as an overseas worker is not as easy as it appears to be. Some people believe that working abroad makes us wealthy and it’s sad because some friends or relatives will ask you favor, and if you can’t give them what they asked for, you are a selfish person in their eyes and will compare you to other overseas workers. People have different types of work and a sense of responsibility which they don’t seem to understand. You need to adjust to their cultures, rules and abide their law. I have to be away from my family so I can support them and provide what they need. Give them what I want them to have. I have to work harder so I can reward myself for doing a great job. There are days I have to eat merely this type and kind of food so I can save more. Of course, there are also days that I will eat and pig out and go to an expensive beanery. I’m quite fortunate compared to other overseas workers who barely eat and sleep properly just to earn more and send money to their families. Am I happy? So-so, pleased that I can provide what my family needs and wants, I can somehow buy what I want. And just what I’ve been telling the whole time, sad and hard because I’m away from my family. Sacrificing is what overseas workers do all the time. Homesickness is a powerful enemy of us. The word says it all. Courage is our shield and Family is what motivates us.

Self Care In The Pursuit Of The Glowing You

What comes to your mind whenever you hear the word ‘Self Care’?

For me? Well, it’s about taking care of yourself not only physically but mentally, emotionally and spiritually. You need to take care of yourself from within so you can happily glow physically.

Physical Self-Care

  1. Eat healthily and properly. You should be eating lots of fruits and vegetables, they have the proper nutrients that our body needs. I wouldn’t recommend eating chips and the likes but, you can also have those in moderation. Drink lots of water, it will make you fight cravings and hunger and will make your skin glow as it will hydrate you. Don’t deprive your self when it comes to food, especially when you are on a diet. Eat and be healthy.
  2. Exercise at least an hour a day. You don’t have to go to the gym so you can work out, you can simply do jogging or brisk walking around your house, at the park or you can watch workout videos and do it inside your home. Stretch your muscles every day.
  3. Take a bath. This is so basic and, I know all of us are doing it. I, myself is taking a bath every day. Twice a day, too much right? Well, I’m taking a bath every morning before going to work, then wash my body before sleeping to remove dirt from being outside all day. You can also use dry shampoo if you don’t want to wet your hair every day.
  4. Skin Care. Use sunblock lotion or facial cream to protect your skin from sunlight. Use lotion to moisturizes your skin. Use a facial mask twice a week or thrice a week to maintain your skin’s glow. Always remove your make-up before going to bed to avoid having pimples and dry skin. Do not prick your pimple, it might get infected and will leave marks on your face. Use once in a while a body scrub so you can remove dead skin from your body.
  5. Pamper Yourself. Go to spa or salon and make your hair and nails done, or avail their massage services.
  6. Sleep. Make sure to have enough and proper sleep. It’s a very powerful process to make you look fresh and lively every day. Also to avoid having an eyebags.

Emotional Self-Care

  1. Stop Pitying Yourself. Easy to say but it will help you a lot. Pitying yourself will not do any good for you. Instead of doing it, try lifting yourself, say things like ‘It’s fine, I can still do it’ or ‘Oh well, it’s just not for me/ not my time yet’.
  2. Avoid Toxic People. Avoid them, toxic people will just stay in your life just so they can use you as their emotional punching bag and stress reliever. Or use you if they need something from you. Stop. Don’t let them do that to you. It’s fine to help and listen to their issues but, if it’s repetitive and causing you to stress then stop. Tell them upfront that what you are hearing is a cycle and, it’s not helping the both of you.
  3. Don’t Let Your Emotions Eat You. Think of happy memories, it’s okay to feel down and sad but, make sure to end your day with a peaceful you. Always getting upset and grumpy? Go find help from Physical Self Care.
  4. Be Happy. Always choose to be happy and strong. Always choose to smile. Remember, there’s always a rainbow after a rain. So choose the right thing for you.
  5. Guard Your Heart. Always take pre-caution in making someone close to you. Just because the person shows you kindness means that they like you. Kindness, is a natural act, don’t over-read people’s actions. Read between the lines. Don’t be a stone but, put a shield to protect it.
  6. Talk To People. People who are optimistic and are always happy. People who will help you to lift yourself and motivate you to do good for others especially, for your self. Talking to those kinds of people will inspire you but always apply number 5 though.

Mental Self-Care

  1. Read. Always take time to read may it be books, magazines, and comics. You need to enhance your skills and add vocabulary to your list. Or simply read for you to forget your worries in the meantime. You can also do some research, not only you will be occupied but you can gain another knowledge you can use in your daily life.
  2. Listen To Music. It helps you calm your nerves and free some space in your mind. It will make you feel relaxed even if you are doing house chores or anything else while listening to music.
  3. Don’t Over Think. It will give you a headache and sleepless nights. It’s normal to think that hard especially, when it comes to your problem but you cannot solve it by overthinking. Go to Emotional Self Care. You will eventually solve whatever you are thinking and facing. Clear your mind and start thinking of how to overcome it, not why you are facing it.

Spiritual Self-Care

  1. Pray. Talk to him, no matter where you are and no matter what time is it. He will listen to you. You might not get the answers to your questions for now but definitely He heard you and have plans for you. You might receive other things than what you prayed for but trust Him. Submit everything to Him and He will give what is best for you.

Those are my self-care tips and advice (unsolicited again hahaha), it would be great if you could give me lists to add on mine.

Take care of yourself, friend! xoxo

photo: https://www.instagram.com/johnemeraldlirasan17/

To Be Wealthy Is To Be Healthy

“Health is Wealth” —- the most popular saying of all time.

Unfortunately for me, I’m kinda below average when it comes to health.

UTI (Urinary Tract Infection) and Amoebiasis enjoyed my childhood, well I cannot blame them though. I love eating junk foods, fast foods and drinking sodas. Fast-forward to 6 months after graduating college, I was diagnosed of having a colitis and other colon problem. I’m constipated and it usually took a week before I dispose what I have eaten. I have undergone through a procedure called Barium Enema wherein they will insert a small and not that long elastic tube in rectum and will put liquids and pump air inside you for them to start the process of x-raying your colon. Funny part was the nurses and the doctor was really amazed because most of their patients always failed to finish the procedure and I were able to finish it without making a mess (you know what I mean lol). I also undergone a procedure called Colonoscopy wherein they will insert again in your rectum a tube to properly see what’s going inside your colon, halfway through the procedure I woke up and one of the doctor commented that their patient (me) are widely awake and I’m looking at the screen–watching, I can see my colon, how they pull and cut some parts of it for biopsy. I can even here them saying “Pull”, “Cut” and “Spray” and I was thinking—-reeeeeallly thinking how those stuffs managed to fit inside me. I tried drinking 2 tablets of Dulcolax and 1 suppository at the same time, it helped but just a little bit. People said Papaya can help ease constipation and have a normal bowel movement but it didn’t help me until I tried eating prunes. Almost 2500mg dosage of medicine a day made me hallucinate and grumpy. My doctor told me that if I will vomit fecal, they don’t have a choice but to operate me and thankfully it never happened—–yet. After a year or two I suppose, I was diagnosed of having a PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) my first doctor says I’m a candidate for cancer, it really worsen my feelings, I was working and my colleagues were trying to make me laugh but I just can’t, then I opted to look for a 2nd opinion, the doctor explained it to me thoroughly and he helped me get back on track by saying “Everyone is a candidate for cancer, but I’m here to help you, your family and yourself. Let’s fight this and we’ll survive”. I was also diagnosed of having dry eyes and eye infection as well.

For my fellow constipated human being:

  1. Drink water. Always drink water, stay hydrated. Less soda or if it’s possible to totally cut it then it’s great!
  2. Avoid eating red meats (beef, pork and lamb) that much as well as shrimp and squid or any other seafoods that has elasticity texture as they are really hard to burn and digest.
  3. Eat more fruits and vegetable. Prunes helps me a lot!
  4. It’s better to eat fresh foods than processed ones.
  5. Drinking coffee helps me as well. You can try but drink coffee moderately or decaf if you don’t want that much caffeine in your body.
  6. Proper sleep helps you digest food fast.
  7. Avoid eating oily, fatty foods and junk foods.

Fellow women that has PCOS:

  1. Watch your diet and what you eat. PCOS loves women who are not taking care of theirselves. Gaining weight is what PCOS loves the most.
  2. Visit your OB-gyne regularly so they can see if there’s improvement or any other procedure to be done. They will also help you in your future pregnancy.
  3. Try using Anion Napkin, it is clinically tested and proven that it has health benefits. It eases the cramps, lessen the odor during menstruation and help fights bacteria.
  4. Always be aware and love yourself.

Fellow people who has dry eyes and eye infection:

  1. As much as possible, don’t scratch your eyes. It will make your eyes swollen, reddish, teary and kinda painful. Cover a small ice in a clean cloth and just pat it to your closed eyes, not that much pressure as we don’t want our eyes to have a blurry vision after. Do this every time your eyes are irritated.
  2. Always clean your surroundings, dust can really irritate your eyes.
  3. Don’t stay up super late as it makes our eyes super tired.

Thankfully I don’t have any other health issues other than those mentioned above hahaha. Just don’t go look and search over the internet the symptoms you are currently experiencing now. It will not help you, it will only make you paranoid and depressed. You will overthink and it will be the cause to deteriorate your health. Don’t overthink, just enjoy your life ( but still be responsible for your actions) and keep on fighting. Don’t lose hope even how ill you are. Help yourself, because even if the people surrounding you are helping you it’s useless. No one can really help you fight these diseases but you yourself. Always seek advice from the doctors. They know what to do and what to say. They will help you get better. Lean to your family and friends, they will support you and be there for you. Talk to HIM, he will definitely make you feel healthy, mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.

Photo credit to : https://www.instagram.com/bonlirasan/

Cliche: Perfectly Imperfect

Nowadays people are having a hard time building confidence and accepting their own flaws. Why? Because there are some people out there that instead of helping you build your confidence, they will point out your flaws and start making fun of it.

I’ll be honest, as in really really honest on this blog. My confidence is not that high, I don’t know if it’s an average or below average level of being confident. I don’t have the face like an angel, I don’t have the body like a model, I don’t have the talent like any artists has. I’m “overweight” and most people around me seems like to have a problem with that. I’ve been called for so many names, “Pork”, “Wild Boar”, “Whale Shark”, “Puffer Fish” and the likes. When I’m moving and bump or hit someone accidentally they will say “You’re so big that’s why”, when I feel hungry and tell people about that I’ll just hear them saying “What’s new?That’s why you are big because you keep on eating.”, if I’m on diet and suddenly eats half of small chicken without rice or bread or anything they will say “Aren’t you on diet?Why are you eating?”, whenever I’m looking to some clothes and people noticed it they will just say “It won’t look good on you because that is only for slim people”. It hurts, and I’m offended of those harsh comments. For some people, it’s just a joke. It’s their way of motivating you. But does it help? For me, not all the time it works. I’m hurt of what I’ve heard from those people and my personality, the more I get hurt, the more I get stressed the more I eat. Reverse psychology doesn’t help all the time. People will think ‘I will say negative things about you so you’ll get motivated’—– stop! Think before you speak.

My unsolicited advice for those who think pointing out ones flaws help:

  1. Never ever call us names not intended for us. Our parents gave us name for petesake! (unless it’s an endearment for you to be called out pig or pork or whale shark or fat ass! you can joke at us once or twice but think, is it really funny?or it’s kinda offensive?). This also applies to those who are petite and slim.(Don’t call them stick, bamboo, lizard or the likes)
  2. Don’t blame our body if we accidentally bump or hit you. Look at the space, is it wide or narrow?
  3. Everyone has the same feeling, just because we don’t have the same size doesn’t mean we don’t have the right to be hungry, wear swim suit and wear whatever clothes we want so don’t degrade us if we want to do something or eat something.
  4. Don’t over react if you saw our pimple/s popping out or reddish, it’s normal. You won’t get the bacteria unless you touch it. Everyone can have a pimple.
  5. Don’t laugh if our make-up is not good and have uneven eyebrows or eyeliners. Instead, teach us how to properly use them, how to properly even those uneven.
  6. Instead of saying bad things about our appearance, why not say “Hey, I’m going for a jog, wanna come along. It’s fun to have someone jogging with”, “You’re on diet?Great! Let me help you search a meal plan for you, dieting is not about eating less, it’s about eating healthy!”, “This one will look more good on you”, “I’m using this skin care products you can try them if you want, maybe the one you are using doesn’t suit your skin type” or just any positive words that will definitely boost our confidence and motivate us. Support us not demoralise us.
  7. Think before you speak. Words can kill just so you know. Give us inspiration not depression.

And my unsolicited advice for my fellow low self-esteemed people:

  1. If you hear something that’s not really good for your ear?Let it just slip through your ears. I know it’s hard but you should also help yourself and try.
  2. Eat whatever you want to eat as long as it’s for your own good.
  3. You are not fat, you are just easy to see. You are not slim/petite you are just cute for their size. So don’t sit and cry at the corner.
  4. Don’t dwell too much on what they are saying. You don’t have to change because of them. Change because you want to improve yourself. Be your own enemy.
  5. Talk to your family and friends, they will joke on you yes but they always got your back.
  6. Voice out what you want to answer to them but in a nice and witty way, don’t get provoked. Don’t get into a fight, it’s not worth it. Let them see that your manners are not like theirs.
  7. Be yourself and be happy. Surround yourself with true, loving and optimistic people. It will be of great help.
  8. If you want to be accepted. Accept yourself first. Love yourself. Embrace your flaws, help yourself and never ever doubt yourself.

I really don’t know what is the key to be an above average confident, but I’m in the process of having it. Thanks to the people who shows support and genuine care. I’m currently on diet, and hopefully I can share the process I’m doing (if this one doesn’t fail!hahah!) with you.