Loving A Heartbreak

Having a broken heart is the worst feeling you can ever experience. You will feel tightness, heaviness and actual pain in your chest and stomach. As if someone tries to burn your heart. As if someone is pounding at your heart. May it be heartbreak from breaking up with your partner, feeling alone and lost, losing your friends and family members and the likes.

But I believe in loving a heartbreak, weird isn’t it? Why would people need to love it when they want to get over it? But that is the logic of it, you have to love it so you can get over it (unless you really don’t want to get over it and just ruin your self for someone who cannot stop damaging you).

How to do it? Below is my opinion on how to:

  1. Acceptance – you have to wake up and face the reality, accepting that your time with someone has already ended. I know that it’s hard to accept the fact that someone broke your heart, it’s hard to accept that what you had with someone is not special anymore, it’s hard to accept that you lost someone forever, but know what’s harder? To be trapped inside the world you created just to please someone who just doesn’t care. To be waiting for someone who doesn’t have any plans on returning. Feel the pain, it will help you to open your eyes and there, you will start to accept everything.
  2. Forgiveness – forgiving someone who isn’t sorry is the bravest thing you can do. It’s a hard step to do, but very lightest way to move on. Forgive yourself as well, just because the person broke your heart that doesn’t mean you haven’t done anything wrong. Assess yourself and forgive yourself. Forgive yourself but never doubt yourself, you are more than enough. Forgive yourself for being in that situation. Just like the old saying says “Forgive and forget”. Forgiving someone is not easy, it needs a right time. Don’t hurry things up, time will come and automatically you will give that to the person and to your self.
  3. Don’t regret – don’t regret or think you have wasted your time hanging out with someone who ended up breaking your heart. You enjoyed those times together, you smiled, you laughed and you loved every bits of that moment so why regret things? Instead of wasting your time and energy regretting about it, start to think about what you have learned and how it molded you to be a strong person than before. Always opt for number 1 and it will be easier.
  4. Let go – let it all go and move on. Easier said than done, but you have to let go. Don’t hold grudges to someone because you will end up hurting yourself. It’s fine to be mad at them because you have a reason and it’s normal but you have to let go. Don’t hold on and cling to someone who wants to walk away, let them go. Learn to value yourself.

It’s okay to be sad, it’s okay to be mad, it’s okay to be heartbroken but loving all of it will give you peace of mind and heart, and a realization in life.

Always remember, it’s okay not to be okay, it’s normal to feel pain.

Loving a heartbreak will teach you that everything takes time and effort. Loving a heartbreak will make you stronger. Loving a heartbreak will open a new door for you, a new path to walk with to a better future and better you.

Self Care In The Pursuit Of The Glowing You

What comes to your mind whenever you hear the word ‘Self Care’?

For me? Well, it’s about taking care of yourself not only physically but mentally, emotionally and spiritually. You need to take care of yourself from within so you can happily glow physically.

Physical Self-Care

  1. Eat healthily and properly. You should be eating lots of fruits and vegetables, they have the proper nutrients that our body needs. I wouldn’t recommend eating chips and the likes but, you can also have those in moderation. Drink lots of water, it will make you fight cravings and hunger and will make your skin glow as it will hydrate you. Don’t deprive your self when it comes to food, especially when you are on a diet. Eat and be healthy.
  2. Exercise at least an hour a day. You don’t have to go to the gym so you can work out, you can simply do jogging or brisk walking around your house, at the park or you can watch workout videos and do it inside your home. Stretch your muscles every day.
  3. Take a bath. This is so basic and, I know all of us are doing it. I, myself is taking a bath every day. Twice a day, too much right? Well, I’m taking a bath every morning before going to work, then wash my body before sleeping to remove dirt from being outside all day. You can also use dry shampoo if you don’t want to wet your hair every day.
  4. Skin Care. Use sunblock lotion or facial cream to protect your skin from sunlight. Use lotion to moisturizes your skin. Use a facial mask twice a week or thrice a week to maintain your skin’s glow. Always remove your make-up before going to bed to avoid having pimples and dry skin. Do not prick your pimple, it might get infected and will leave marks on your face. Use once in a while a body scrub so you can remove dead skin from your body.
  5. Pamper Yourself. Go to spa or salon and make your hair and nails done, or avail their massage services.
  6. Sleep. Make sure to have enough and proper sleep. It’s a very powerful process to make you look fresh and lively every day. Also to avoid having an eyebags.

Emotional Self-Care

  1. Stop Pitying Yourself. Easy to say but it will help you a lot. Pitying yourself will not do any good for you. Instead of doing it, try lifting yourself, say things like ‘It’s fine, I can still do it’ or ‘Oh well, it’s just not for me/ not my time yet’.
  2. Avoid Toxic People. Avoid them, toxic people will just stay in your life just so they can use you as their emotional punching bag and stress reliever. Or use you if they need something from you. Stop. Don’t let them do that to you. It’s fine to help and listen to their issues but, if it’s repetitive and causing you to stress then stop. Tell them upfront that what you are hearing is a cycle and, it’s not helping the both of you.
  3. Don’t Let Your Emotions Eat You. Think of happy memories, it’s okay to feel down and sad but, make sure to end your day with a peaceful you. Always getting upset and grumpy? Go find help from Physical Self Care.
  4. Be Happy. Always choose to be happy and strong. Always choose to smile. Remember, there’s always a rainbow after a rain. So choose the right thing for you.
  5. Guard Your Heart. Always take pre-caution in making someone close to you. Just because the person shows you kindness means that they like you. Kindness, is a natural act, don’t over-read people’s actions. Read between the lines. Don’t be a stone but, put a shield to protect it.
  6. Talk To People. People who are optimistic and are always happy. People who will help you to lift yourself and motivate you to do good for others especially, for your self. Talking to those kinds of people will inspire you but always apply number 5 though.

Mental Self-Care

  1. Read. Always take time to read may it be books, magazines, and comics. You need to enhance your skills and add vocabulary to your list. Or simply read for you to forget your worries in the meantime. You can also do some research, not only you will be occupied but you can gain another knowledge you can use in your daily life.
  2. Listen To Music. It helps you calm your nerves and free some space in your mind. It will make you feel relaxed even if you are doing house chores or anything else while listening to music.
  3. Don’t Over Think. It will give you a headache and sleepless nights. It’s normal to think that hard especially, when it comes to your problem but you cannot solve it by overthinking. Go to Emotional Self Care. You will eventually solve whatever you are thinking and facing. Clear your mind and start thinking of how to overcome it, not why you are facing it.

Spiritual Self-Care

  1. Pray. Talk to him, no matter where you are and no matter what time is it. He will listen to you. You might not get the answers to your questions for now but definitely He heard you and have plans for you. You might receive other things than what you prayed for but trust Him. Submit everything to Him and He will give what is best for you.

Those are my self-care tips and advice (unsolicited again hahaha), it would be great if you could give me lists to add on mine.

Take care of yourself, friend! xoxo

photo: https://www.instagram.com/johnemeraldlirasan17/

I’m Hurt But I’m Worthy!

“Am I not worthy?”

Have you asked yourself this kind of question?If yes, have you found the answer? What made you ask yourself this kind of question? Are you in pain? Are you okay?

I’m always asking myself this kind of question, most especially when I’m scrolling and scanning my timeline. The people who are close to my heart fitfully hurt me, or maybe I’m just so sensitive I tend to overthink and get jealous easily. I don’t know. My birthday has passed by and I hide my birthdate on my profile so no one can know, except for those people who really remember and knows it by heart. I’m getting few messages from my family until my uncle’s wife greeted me by posting it on my timeline then rest who saw it greeted me as well and posted my old pictures with them. There are few who greeted me but I know they are genuine. A month after, it was one of my childhood friend’s birthday, lot’s of people greeted her and I got jealous and sad when I saw some people who I truly love and care for greeted her. Those people didn’t even greeted me the way they greeted her, some didn’t greet me at all! Talk about years (when I say years it means yeeeeaaaaaaarrrrrrs) of friendship. I started doubting my worth to them, I started to distance myself again to them. Shallow isn’t it? Maybe I just expected them to care for me the way I want them to. Same month I had a petty fight with one of my friend because of my T-shirt she misinterpreted my joke and I sarcastically like her post in social media, after that incident I asked my self the same question. I caught my ex-boyfriend cheating on me many times even after being faithful and loyal to him (read Thank You Ex!). Is this only my worth to them? I started to doubt my self. I started to regret things. I started to count the things I’ve done for them.

My heart aches while writing this blog, I feel my heart is being crushed by something I can’t describe. It feels as if it’s going to explode any moment. I’m tired of proving my self to other. I’m tired or proving my worth to others. I’m tired of pretending I’m not hurt when I truly does. I’m just tired.

I’m hurting yes but, I’m thinking of what my friend told me, “Don’t ever doubt your self worth, You’re worth is more than enough, You are worthy.” Yes he is right. I’am worthy. I’m feeling down, feeling tired and emotionally exhausted and it’s normal, but I should also help myself to get out from these emotions I’m feeling now. Keep on thinking that you are worthy. You know your worth. WE know our worth. We just have to breathe and stay positive. It’s okay to let it out once in a while. Looking at the brighter side of the darkest situation you might be and currently facing. And the most important part? Think of your family who loves you unconditionally.

“Your worth is more than what you think of. Don’t think your worth is equivalent to the word JUST, because you are not. You are worthy!”

My First Love Left Me

May 2, 2018…

It was and still the saddest part of my life and most painful thing that happened to me. He waved goodbye instead of hello.

I wasn’t able to see him for 2 years because I’m working abroad, yeah I know, I should have at least go home even once and that’s the biggest mistake I did, regretted it. I imagined him welcoming me with his arms wide open to embrace me, his sweetest smile and laughing chinky eyes instead, I saw him inside his newly closed box bed, eyes are tightly closed and colored lips to hide the paleness of his face. But still the most handsome man I’ve known and loved my entire life!

I learned from him that it’s fine to spend extravagantly on food rather than buying things you will only use for a couple of months, years if you’re lucky (that explains how I become big lol).

When I was a kid, he self taught how to tie my hair, and mind you, pig tails becomes rabbit ears hahaha! There’s this time when I’m sick and having a fever, he will ask me what food do I want to eat, I requested for an instant stir fry noodles he said okay and after a couple of minutes he was walking slowly, carrying one bowl gently. I smiled thinking I will eat what I’m craving for but deym hahah my noodles has water! it’s a noodle soup now and I asked him why does it have water? He just told me that it’s the right way of cooking it so yeah, the manufacturer was wrong hahaha cute, but ofcourse I ate it even if the taste was kinda nasty.

He will just say “You should lose weight” but end up buying bread in the middle of the night for me and my brother, ice cream and street foods. That’s how my father would like me to lose weight hahaha.

Memories keeps on flashing that if I will tell you all the stories, this page won’t be enough. I just love how he loves us. How he put smile to people’s faces, how he throw some corny and cheesy jokes, how kind he was even though he was being taken for granted of some people he love and care, how helpful he was wherein people are taking advantage of it. I love his unconditional love to others most especially to us

After the day he left us, I was thinking to take my own life. Inside the train station I was crying, while walking and while waiting for the pedestrian light to become green. I even think of ways to commit the sin, ‘What if I suddenly jump off of the street while cars are fastly running’, ‘What if I tripped my self to fall down the stairs?’ or ‘What if I just cut my wrist?’. I spent my days, weeks and months thinking bout it. Until I dreamed of him, he sat beside me, just looking at me then caress my cheeks, I held his hand and cried, I can feel his love for me and I woke up. I regretted thinking of taking my life, I realize I still have my mom and brother and that my dad won’t be happy if I’ll do it.

I’m still depressed but, the love from my family is what keeps me going.

My first love, my dad left me..left us but we will surely be together again someday, and I know he is just around the corner, happily looking after us.

How about you? How’s your first love doing?

Thank You Ex!

“Thank you for the brokenheart. And thank you for the permanent scar, ‘coz if it wasn’t for you I might forget how it feels to let go, how it feels to get a brand new start..” that’s the lyrics of J Rice’s song ‘ Thank You for the Broken Heart ‘ and that’s my song to the person I used to love–miel.

I’ve been in a relationship for 3 years with this person who is 4 years older than me. We don’t have the kind of relationship I used to dream of. Our worlds only rotates to each other. He will cancel his appointments just so I can’t go out with my friends, but his efforts were exceptional.

There’s no doubt I’ve loved him with all of me, but that leaves a huge question mark for me, Am I not good enough? I caught him cheating on me several times but of course no cheater will acknowledge their mistakes, instead they will put the blame on you. So after knowing he cheated on me, I still gave him a chance, and a chance, and a chance and a chance. What? I loved him and yes I’m kinda martyr. But ofcourse even though he cheated on me, he still does great things for me, I felt that he loved me but not as strong as he loved his first nor his second and even his third! lol, but the effort he exerted just to travel 1 hour going to my place leaves a huge impact. I loved him unconditionally and even prayed and dreamed of having a family with him. Even on my 3rd year anniversary of being single, I still loved him. I stalk his social media account as well as his sisters’ just to have an update of him.

I did had a hard time moving on, they told me to cut my hair so I can start moving on and it took me 3 hairstyles but I was still into him. I buried myself in work so I won’t think of him, I started hanging out with my friends just so I cannot remember the pain. But at the end of the day, I find myself staring blankly to something not realizing my tears had fallen from my eyes. Asking myself what have I done? Why can’t I have the chance I’ve given you? Why do you have to leave me when I needed you the most?( I was diagnosed of having a colitis and hirschsprung disease). I tried to make things work with him but I failed. He is just happy without me in his life, and I was miserable without him in mine.

We have lot’s of good memories but it was overshadowed by the arguments, confrontations, him cheating on me and the lies that we both throw to each other. But I’m okay now. People who knew us being a couple before asked me “What if he comes back? What if he want you back in his life again?” my answer is always “He will always have a special part in my life, But would I settle to this kind of person? No.”

I have moved on, and for being single for 7 years I can say I’m happy. For sure I miss those petty quarrels and stuffs but having a relationship with myself and HIM made me contented and happy.

My unsolicited advise is, just go with what you are feeling, wanna chase (please chase with good intention. Don’t try to hurt and stalk that person him/her?) that person? Go for it, people might tell you the otherwise but atleast there’s no ‘ What ifs’ running to your mind while moving on. It might be happy ending or extra pain but that’s fine, it will only help you to move on and realize it’s not really worth fighting for anymore. No closure? Sometimes not having a closure is a closure, think and tell to yourself “I’ve lived my life to the fullest before meeting him/her, I can do the same thing again after”. And PLEASE, don’t even try to think of committing suicide or trying to hurt yourself. Even if you do that it will only make the matter worst, will he come back to you? Maybe yes out of pity but more on no. Don’t blame yourself just because your relationship failed, don’t apologize because it failed. Instead be grateful because it will give you the chance to grow, it will give you the knowledge of how to love and respect yourself more than anyone else, it will give you the chance to meet the right one and be happy with your life. Be thankful because it will make you stronger and start a brand new life.


“Move on for a better you instead of moving on to stay the same you.”


Simply Thank you

Not all people you meet stays in your life. They come and it’s their choice whether to stay or go. It’s their choice if they want to travel the journey with you. It’s their choice if they are true to you.

I’ve met a lot of people before and thought they are my friends. Well If we share a common interest and have a good time together I already consider you as my friend. But that was a mistake, I should have not get my hopes high, I should have not let my guard down.

I’ve met friends I consider when I went to Armenia ( see The Warmth of Armenia ), there is this one lady whom I became close with. We share our past experiences, our feelings and some of our secrets to each other. We hang out and stroll around the city together, building memories but that was quickly shattered into pieces, she asked for a favor and I obliged—We are friends after all! And so the favors she’s asking keeps on piling up, I’m not asking anything in return tho. But not returning back what you’ve asked for is a different story. She begun ignoring my messages and calls until she just vanished just like a bubble. It’s my fault I trusted her easily. When I was in Oman I also met few people who became my friends and until today, I’ve been very close to this lady we are not talking everyday but when we do, it becomes overrated!

Then there’s your college friends, I have a big group of friends and up to this day only 5 remains in contact. I believe that you can still be friends even if you’re not talking to them for the time being and they are busy with their own lives, but just a simple hello or a simple reply wouldn’t hurt right? (or I’m just a clingy person?) but the memories are still there, good and bad. Everytime I’m looking at our pictures I can’t help myself but to smile and reminisce the good ‘ol days. Our bond in college are pure. And I’m thankful to those who remains to be in my life. We are all still friends in Facebook though, and that is still a good sign!

People says that High School life was the best part of one’s school journey, and it’s kinda true. Your craziness doesn’t have any limits, it molds your life and personality. My classmates are my friends and I’m not joking when I say all of them (maybe I’m their class president so they don’t have a choice?lol) and now it’s down to 2 whom I’m talking with almost everyday.

From where I worked before (see You Deserved It) most of them are still in contact and choose to stay. I’m glad for it. Now, I have made new few friends and I’m confident that they will stay until I’m alive. Why?Because they are my friends! simple as that! I started to create my blog last 3 years ago, but I deleted it and now, they are the reason why I’m starting again. Special thanks to my vlogger friend who is becoming famous now!(hahaha I know you are reading it, you are welcome!) and to this lady who keeps on fighting the demons pestering her, thank you! You guys made my tummy aches from unlimited eating (though they are really trying their best to keep the foods away from me) and cried from laughing loudly until someone tries to shut us up.

Appreciate the people who choose to stay and fight your demons with you. Give them importance not because they have something to offer and give, but because they stick with you without apparent reason. Laugh with them in times of happiness. Cry with them in times of sorrow. Accept them as they are, don’t try to change them as they are not trying to change you. They will say “I told you so” because of your stubbornness and it’s a sign they care. Don’t be lonely if you thought to yourself I only have this much of friends while he / she has a tons of it, it’s fine. It’s not about the quantity, it’s all about the quality.

Thank you friends who became my family, thank you for sticking with my craziness and thank you for not giving up on me! How about you? Have you thanked them for riding with your craziness?